Thread:ADour/@comment-33870089-20180125210049/@comment-4651179-20180129040316

It's not simply about grammatical errors, it's also about the sentence structure and the way the story is described. For instance, the synopsis opened up with:

"Beginning of the funeral, Barton attending at the memorial home to see David's body lying in a coffin. In line, as Barton walk up towards the coffin, he angrily saw David's face deteriorated. Peter interrupting him with a question and replied an answer saying they know each other."

For starters, the synopsis was referring to the funeral, the memorial home, and David and Peter as if the reader already had knowledge of them. You're even forcing the reader to infer that the funeral is for David considering he's never adressed as the deceased, or the funeral as his.

"Barton attending at the memorial home" doesn't make sense. If you are refering to the funeral, then it'd be better not to separate the first sentence into two clauses. Instead of "Beginning of the funeral, Barton attending at the memorial home to see David's body lying in a coffin." you could write "At the beginning of a funeral Barton is attending at a memorial home, he sees the body of the deceased, David, lying in a coffin." Take into account that this rewrite is meant to keep the sentence the closest I could to its original version, it's not the best way the events could've been described.

The synpsis then mentioned that Barton "angrily saw David's face deteroriated." It wasn't anger, it was disgust. Instead of "saw," a more fitting word could be "observed," "noticed," or even "contemplated." You'd also write "deteriorated face" instead of "face deteriorated."

So, instead of "In line, as Barton walk up towards the coffin, he angrily saw David's face deteriorated" you could write "Barton walks up towards the coffin, and contemplates in disgust David's deteriorated face."

For "Peter interrupting him with a question and replied an answer saying they know each other" here are the following observations: a) "Interrupts" instead of "interrupting." b) "Replied an answer" is redundant, it'd be no different than writing "replied a reply" or "answers an answer." c) You could mention what was Peter's question. d) Clint doesn't answer that David and him knew each other, he answered how did they know each other. For this sentence, a better redaction would be "Peter interrupts him, questioning how did Clint know David. He replies they owned a yatch together."

To conclude, a better redaction overall of the segment I used as an example would be: "Clint Barton is attending the funeral of a man named David. After walking up to his coffin and commenting with disgust on his looks, a man named Peter interrupts him in order to know how did they know each other. Stumbling, Clint answers that they owned a yatch togehter."

This is everything I had to correct, and it's barely half of one out of three paragraphs of the synopsis you wrote.