Part 1: Captain America tells that he traveled to the past
My story is set during The Avengers 3 and i pretend the events of Captain America 3 never happened. My story is also a parody of the 8th episode of the 3rd season of Flash. In my story, Captain America traveled to the past and accidentally changed lives
Captain America and I are watching the superheroes train to defeat Thanos and Spider-Man talks to Captain America
Spider-Man: Hey is this really you? I mean like future you
Captain America: come on look...
Spider-Man: You told them right?
Me: what the hell do you care? Stop meddling in things that don't concern you
Spider-Man: shut up. This is between me and Steve
Captain America: I'll tell them yes when this is finished
Spider-Man: when this is finished. Even though you'll lead them through an alien war. Even after changing the past?!
Me: shut up! Everybody will listen to us!
Spider-Man: after everything messed up and all the lives you change you still don't think you should tell them?!
Gamora: tell us what?
Me: Steve has nothing to tell you. Peter Parker is just saying nonsense
Captain America: Let me do the talking. Rocket and Groot found a message from me in the future saying right now i can't be trusted
Gamora: why would future you say that?
Me: it doesn't matter let's continue training
Gamora: shut up let Steve talk!
Me: damn it!
Captain America: i think because i went back in time and i accidentally changed some of your lives when i got back
Captain Marvel: some of our lives like who?
Captain America: Peter (Parker), Tony, Matias [that's my name] and Rhodey
Rhodey: me? What happened?
Iron Man: apparently you had a daughter
Rhodey: i had a daughter Steve?
Captain America: Baby James was a daughter
Rhodey: so you just erased a daughter from my life?
Me: hey shut up you piece of a stupid idiot Steve didn't do it on purpose so you have no right to be angry at him! Steve killed my parents by accident but I'm not mad at him because he didn't do it on purpose so please shut the hell up!
Gamora: stay out of it! This is between Steve and us! [She turns to Captain America] You can't just go back in time and change things like that Steve
Me: are you deaf Gamora?! I just told the stupid idiot of Rhodey that Steve didn't do it on purpose and that he has no right to be angry so shut the hell up you too!
Gamora: how many times do i have to tell you not to stay out of it!
Star-Lord (to Captain America): after spending 4 years correcting timelines you just decided to create 1 of your own?
Me: let me tell you something you Guardians! Steve didn't do anything wrong on purpose so you have no right to be angry at him you bunch of selfish idiots
Groot: i am Groot
Rocket: he says we should've told them before
Gamora: of course you should! Do you realize what Steve did to Matías' dumb parents just because he missed his old life?!
I steal Hawkeye's bow and one of his arrows
Captain Marvel: Gamora that was so cruel!
Me: this will teach you not to insult my family ever again!
I shoot an arrow at Gamora in leg
Hawkeye: good shot Matias!
Me: thank you! [I give Hawkeye his bow back] sorry for stealing your bow
Hawkeye: no problem
Black Widow: guys Thanos is on Earth
Captain America: You guys go. I'll sit this one out and defeat Thanos
Everybody who is angry at Captain America starts to leave and Captain America turns to Captain Marvel
Captain America: You still trust me right?
Captain Marvel: I'll always trust you but it will take a while to convince them
Iron Man: Hey guys this is crazy! Hey I won't go without Steve!
Rhodey: then you stay here Tony
Me: yeah he'll stay here like! [To the Guardians] get the hell out of here Guardians! If you die in that war i won't go to your stupid funerals! I hope you die for being angry at Steve you bunch of selfish idiot!
Captain America: ok language! You already insulted enough for today! But still thanks for defending me
Me: You should learn to defend yourself. I'll go talk to Peter. [I turn to Spider-Man] You're such a stupid meddler do you know it Peter?!
Spider-Man: what?! They needed to know that!
Me: yes not now you piece of a stupid idiot! And now because of your selfish and meddling actions Steve lost almost all of his allies! I hope Thanos kills you for bullying Steve for killing your aunt May by accident!
I turn to Captain America and everybody who isn't angry at him
Me: who wants to go to bastard burgers?!
Captain America and everybody who isn't angry at him: me!
Me: let's go!
Part 2: Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and i go to bastard burgers
Right after the Guardians left, Captain America, everybody who isn't angry at him and i were preparing to go to bastard burgers but Spider-man tried to go too
Captain America: no Peter you won't go! After bullying me for a whole week you lost the right to go! You're not an Avenger anymore!
Spider man turns to me
Spider-Man: tell Steve to make me an Avenger again right now!
Me: no Peter! Steve is right! You lost the right to go and i hope you die!
Spider-man starts to cry and leaves
Me: Steve i think you should block Peter from WhatsApp. I think you should also block everybody who is angry at you
Captain America: ok I'll do that
Captain America does everything i told him to do and we go to bastard burgers. While i was eating a New York burger with fries and Coca-Cola in the same table as Iron Man, Captain America and Thor my cellphone vibrated with a notification from WhatsApp
Captain America: who is it?
Me: it's Peter Parker. He's telling me to tell you to make him an Avenger again but i won't do it. I'll block him on WhatsApp so he can't talk to me never again
Thor: good idea!
I block Spider-Man on WhatsApp
Me: well problem solved. Let's continue eating
My cellphone vibrates again but this time with a notification from Messenger and it's Spider-Man again
Me: damn it! Peter Parker is so annoying!
Iron Man: what does he want now?
Me: now he isn't just telling me to tell Steve to make him an Avenger again he's also telling me to unblock him on WhatsApp
Thor: well don't listen to him and block him there too
Me: good advice Thor
I block Spider-Man on Messenger but i also block him on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and other apps more
Me: well Peter Parker can't talk to me never again
This time not only my cellphone vibrates but also Iron Man's, Captain America's and Thor's
Me: damn it we can never eat in peace! Now everybody who is angry at Steve is telling me to unblock Peter Parker on every app where I blocked him!
Iron Man: Me too! But Peter Parker is telling me to tell Steve to make him an Avenger again too!
Thor: Me too Tony
Me: well don't listen to them and block them
Iron Man, Thor and i block everybody who is angry at Captain America on every app where we follow them
Me: well we can finally eat in peace and quiet!
Part 3: Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey try to kill me
Right after we finished eating our meals at bastard burgers while being annoyed by Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey through our cellphones Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and i went to sleep to Iron Man's house. Meanwhile the Guardians of the Galaxy were able to defeat Thanos and Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey went to sleep to Rhodey's house. Next day while Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Pepper, Happy and i were having breakfast somebody knocked the door
Iron Man: Happy could you open the door please?
Happy: yes Tony
Happy opens the door to see Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey with angry faces
Happy: what the hell are you doing here? If you're here to tell Tony, Steve, Thor and Matias to unblock you on every app where they blocked you. [He turns to Spider-Man] and Peter...
Star-Lord and Spider-Man: what?
Happy: Parker. Steve won't make you an Avenger again
Rhodey: we're actually here so Matias apologizes to us for insulting us
Gamora: I also want him to apologize to me for shooting me in the leg
Spider-Man: and yes we also came for those 2 things you mentioned
Iron Man: Happy who is it?
Happy: the idiots who annoyed you at bastard burgers yesterday
Spider-Man: tell Steve to make me an avenger again, tell Matias to apologize to us for insulting us and unblock us on every app where you blocked us!
Iron Man: no Peter I won't do any of that! And now we're having breakfast so leave us the hell alone! And Gamora you deserved to get shot in the leg and i wish you had died in the war
Pepper: let's go back inside Tony don't listen to that bunch of selfish idiots
Iron Man, Pepper and Happy return to the table
Captain America: who was it?
Iron Man: it was the Peters, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey. They came here to tell us to unblock them on every app where we blocked them
Me: let me guess. They also want me to apologize to them for insulting them
Iron Man: yes but don't worry. They won't try to kill you just because you insulted them
Star-Lord, Gamora and Drax break into the house and Drax puts his knives in my neck
Drax: apologize to us if you don't want to die!
Thor cuts Drax's head off with the stormbreaker, Drax dies and Drax's headless dead body throws me to the ground
Star-Lord and Gamora: Drax!
Thor: that's what you get for trying to kill my best friend!
I take Drax's headless dead body off me and i get up
Captain America: Thor take Matias to the Avengers complex!
Thor takes me to the Avengers complex with the bifrost bridge
Me: help! The Peters, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey will kill me if i don't apologize to them!
Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye: what?!
Thor: it's true! I just killed Drax to save his life and now Tony and Steve are at Tony's house trying to stop the Peters, Gamora and Rhodey
The bifrost bridge appears and Star-Lord comes out of it
Me: what the hell…?!
Star-Lord: I went to nidavellir and made a gun capable of killing Asgardians!
Star-Lord takes me with the bifrost bridge to the backyard of my house where he, Spider-Man, Gamora and Rhodey prepare to crucify me
Gamora: last chance. Apologize to us or die
Me: I'll never apologize to you after insulting my family and how you treated Steve!
Gamora: ok you asked for it
Gamora nails my hands and feet and Spider-Man shoots spider webs at me to make it impossible to get me off the cross
Spider-Man: those spider webs are so sticky they'll be impossible to remove with a knife
Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora and Rhodey put the cross standing
Me: well that's not how i imagined my death but I'm still proud of what i did
The bifrost bridge appears and Iron Man, Captain America and Thor get out of it
Captain America: Tony, Thor let's rescue Matias
Gamora: not if we can prevent it. Get them!
Thor: I'll rescue Matias!
Thor flies to the cross where I'm being crucified and unsuccessfully tries to remove the spider webs Spider-Man shot at me
Thor: I'm sorry Matias but I'll have to cut off your hands and feet
Thor cuts off my right hand
Thor cuts off my left hand
Thor cuts off my feet
Star-Lord points his Asgardian killing weapon at Thor
Star-Lord: you'll die for trying to help Matias escape!
Iron Man: hey Star-Lord! [He points his arm at Star-Lord] take that!
Iron Man shoots a missile at Star-Lord and Star-Lord dies
Thor: we have to take Matias to the Avengers complex!
Iron Man shoots a missile at Rhodey and Rhodey dies, Captain America throws his shield at Spider-Man on the head and Spider-Man is knocked unconscious, Thor cuts off Gamora's head and Gamora dies and Iron Man, Captain America and Thor take me to the Avengers complex
Me: guys thank you for saving me
Iron Man: don't thank us. We'll do that again if it's necessary