My story is set during The Avengers 3 and i pretend the events of Captain America 3 never happened. My story is also a parody of the 8th episode of the 3rd season of Flash. In my story, Captain America traveled to the past and accidentally changed lives
Part 1: Captain America tells that he traveled to the past
While Captain America and i were watching the superheroes train to defeat Thanos and Spider-Man talked to Captain America
Spider-Man: Hey is this really you? I mean like future you
Captain America: come on look...
Spider-Man: You told them right?
Me: what the fu** do you care? Stop meddling in things that don't fu***** concern you
Spider-Man: shut the fu** up. This is between me and Steve
Captain America: I'll tell them yes when this is finished
Spider-Man: when this is finished. Even though you'll lead them through a fu**** alien war. Even after changing the past?!
Me: shut the fu** up! Everybody will fu***** listen to us!
Spider-Man: after everything you fu**** up and all the lives you changed you still don't think you should tell them?!
Gamora: tell us what?
Me: Steve has nothing to tell you. Peter Parker is just saying bull****
Captain America: Let me do the talking. Rocket and Groot found a message from me in the future saying right now i can't be trusted
Gamora: why would future you say that?
Me: it doesn't matter let's continue training
Gamora: shut the fu** up let Steve talk!
Captain America: i think because i went back in time and i accidentally changed some of your lives when i got back
Captain Marvel: some of our lives like who?
Captain America: Peter (Parker), Tony, Matias [that's my name] and Rhodey
Rhodey: me? What happened?
Iron Man: apparently you had a daughter
Rhodey: i had a daughter Steve?
Captain America: Baby James was a daughter
Rhodey: so you just erased a daughter from my life?
Me: hey shut up you piece of a fu***** ***hole Steve didn't do it on purpose so you have no fu***** right to be angry at him! Steve killed my parents by accident but I'm not angry at him because he didn't do it on purpose so please shut the fu** up!
Gamora: stay the fu** out of it! This is between Steve and us! [She turns to Captain America] You can't just go back in time and change things like that Steve
Me: are you fu***** deaf Gamora?! I just told the fu***** ***hole of Rhodey that Steve didn't do it on purpose and that he has no fu***** right to be angry so shut the fu** up you too!
Gamora: how many fu***** times do i have to tell you to stay the fu** out of it!
Star-Lord (to Captain America): after spending 4 years correcting timelines you just decided to create 1 of your own?
Me: let me tell you something you Guardians! Steve didn't do anything wrong on purpose so you have no fu***** right to be angry at him you bunch of selfish ***holes!
Groot: i am Groot
Rocket: he says we should've told them before
Gamora: of course you should! Do you realize what the fu** Steve did to Matías' fu***** parents just because he missed his fu***** old life?!
I steal Hawkeye's bow and one of his arrows
Captain Marvel: Gamora that was so cruel!
Me: this will fu***** teach you not to insult my family ever again!
I shoot an arrow at Gamora in leg
Hawkeye: good shot Matias!
Me: thank you! [I give Hawkeye his bow back] sorry for stealing your bow
Hawkeye: no problem
Black Widow: guys Thanos is on Earth
Captain America: You guys go. I'll sit this one out and defeat Thanos
Everybody who is angry at Captain America starts to leave and Captain America turns to Captain Marvel
Captain America: You still trust me right?
Captain Marvel: I'll always trust you but it will take a while to convince them
Iron Man: Hey guys this is fu***** crazy! Hey I won't go without Steve!
Rhodey: then you stay here Tony
Me: yeah he'll stay here like me! [To the Guardians] get the fu** out of here Guardians! If you die in that war fu***** i won't go to your fu***** funerals! I hope you fu***** die for being angry at Steve you bunch of selfish ***holes!
Captain America: ok language! You already insulted enough for today! But still thanks for defending me
Me: You should learn to defend yourself. I'll go talk to Peter. [I turn to Spider-Man] You're such a fu***** meddler do you know it Peter?!
Spider-Man: what?! They needed to know that!
Me: yes not now you piece of a fu*****! And now because of your selfish and meddling actions Steve lost almost all of his allies! I hope Thanos kills you for treating Steve like sh** for killing your aunt May by accident! [I turn to Captain America and everybody who isn't angry at him] who wants to go to McDonald's?!
Captain America and everybody who isn't angry at him: me!
Me: let's go!
Part 2: Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and i go to McDonald's
Right after the Guardians left, Captain America, everybody who isn't angry at him and i were preparing to go to bastard burgers but Spider-man tried to go too
Captain America: no Peter you won't go! After treating me like sh** for a whole fu***** week you lost the fu***** right to go! You're not an Avenger anymore!
Spider man turns to me
Spider-Man: tell Steve to make me an Avenger again right now!
Me: no Peter! Steve is right! You lost the fu***** right to go and i hope you fu***** die!
Spider-man starts to cry and leaves
Me: Steve i think you should block Peter from WhatsApp. I think you should also block everybody who is angry at you
Captain America: ok I'll do that
Captain America does everything i told him to do and we go to McDonald's. While i was eating a triple quarter pounder with fries and Coca-Cola in the same table as Iron Man, Captain America and Thor my cellphone vibrated with a notification from WhatsApp
Captain America: who is it?
Me: it's Peter Parker. He's telling me to tell you to make him an Avenger again but i won't do it. I'll block him on WhatsApp so he can't talk to me never again
Thor: good idea!
I block Spider-Man on WhatsApp
Me: well problem solved. Let's continue eating
My cellphone vibrates again but this time with a notification from Messenger and it's Spider-Man again
Me: Holy sh**! Peter Parker is so fu***** annoying!
Iron Man: what the fu** does he want now?
Me: now he isn't just telling me to tell Steve to make him an Avenger again he's also telling me to unblock him on WhatsApp
Thor: well don't listen to him and block him there too
Me: good advice Thor
I block Spider-Man on Messenger but i also block him on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and other apps more
Me: well Peter Parker can't talk to me never again
This time not only my cellphone vibrates but also Iron Man's, Captain America's and Thor's
Me: Holy sh**! We can never eat in peace! Now everybody who is angry at Steve is telling me to unblock Peter Parker on every app where I blocked him!
Iron Man: Me too! But Peter Parker is telling me to tell Steve to make him an Avenger again too!
Thor: Me too Tony
Me: well don't listen to them and block them
Iron Man, Thor and i block everybody who is angry at Captain America on every app where we follow them
Me: well we can finally eat in peace and quiet!
Part 3: Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey try to kill me
Right after we finished eating our meals at McDonald*s while being annoyed by Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey through our cellphones Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and i went to sleep to Iron Man's house. Meanwhile the Guardians of the Galaxy were able to defeat Thanos and Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey went to sleep to Rhodey's house. Next day while Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Pepper, Happy and i were having breakfast somebody knocked the door
Iron Man: Happy could you open the door please?
Happy: yes Tony
Happy opens the door to see Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey with angry faces
Happy: what the fu** are you doing here? If you're here to tell Tony, Steve, Thor and Matias to unblock you on every app where they blocked yo they won't do it. [He turns to Spider-Man] and Peter...
Star-Lord and Spider-Man: what?
Happy: Parker. Steve won't make you an Avenger again
Rhodey: we're actually here so Matias apologizes to us for insulting us
Gamora: i also want him to apologize to me for shooting me in the leg
Spider-Man: and yes we also came for those 2 things you mentioned
Iron Man: Happy who is it?
Happy: The fu**** ***holes who annoyed you at McDonald's yesterday
Spider-Man: tell Steve to make me an Avenger again, tell Matias to apologize to us for insulting us and unblock us on every app where you blocked us!
Iron Man: no Peter i won't do any of that! And now we're having breakfast so leave us the fu** alone! And Gamora you deserved to be shot in the fu***** leg and i wish you had died in the fu***** war!
Pepper: let's go back inside Tony don't listen to that bunch of selfish ***holes
Iron Man, Pepper and Happy return to the table
Captain America: who was it?
Iron Man: it was the Peters, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey. They came here to tell us to unblock them on every app where we blocked them
Me: let me guess. They also want me to apologize to them for insulting them
Iron Man: yes but don't worry. They won't try to kill you just because you insulted them
Star-Lord, Gamora and Drax break into the house and Drax puts his knives in my neck
Drax: apologize to us if you don't want to fu***** die!
Thor cuts Drax's head off with the stormbreaker, Drax dies and Drax's headless dead body throws me to the ground
Star-Lord and Gamora: Drax!
Thor: that's what you get for trying to kill my best friend!
I take Drax's headless dead body off me and i get up
Captain America: Thor take Matias to the Avengers complex!
Thor takes me to the Avengers complex with the bifrost bridge
Me: help! The Peters, Gamora, Drax and Rhodey will kill me if i don't apologize to them!
Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye: what the fu**?!
Thor: it's true! I just killed Drax to save his life and now Tony and Steve are at Tony's house trying to stop the Peters, Gamora and Rhodey!
The bifrost bridge appears and Star-Lord comes out of it
Me: what the fu**…?!
Star-Lord: i went to nidavellir and made a fu**** gun capable of killing fu**** Asgardians!
Star-Lord takes me with the bifrost bridge to the backyard of my house where he, Spider-Man, Gamora and Rhodey prepare to crucify me
Gamora: last chance. Apologize to us or die
Me: I'll never apologize to you after insulting my family and for treating Steve like sh**!
Gamora: ok you asked for it
Gamora nails my hands and feet and Spider-Man shoots spider webs at me to make it impossible to get me off the cross
Spider-Man: those spider webs are so sticky they'll be impossible to remove with a knife
Star-Lord, Spider-Man, Gamora and Rhodey put the cross standing
Me: well that's not how i imagined my death but I'm still proud of what i did
The bifrost bridge appears and Iron Man, Captain America and Thor get out of i
Captain America: Tony, Thor let's rescue Matias
Gamora: not if we can prevent it. Get them!
Thor: I'll rescue Matias!
Thor flies to the cross where I'm being crucified and unsuccessfully tries to remove the spider webs Spider-Man shot at me
Thor: I'm sorry Matias but I'll have to cut off your hands and feet
Thor cuts off my right hand
Thor cuts off my left hand
Thor cuts off my feet
Star-Lord points his Asgardian killing weapon at Thor
Star-Lord: you'll die for trying to help Matias escape!
Iron Man: hey Star-Lord! [He points his arm at Star-Lord] take that!
Iron Man shoots a missile at Star-Lord and Star-Lord dies
Thor: we have to take Matias to the Avengers complex!
Iron Man shoots a missile at Rhodey and Rhodey dies, Captain America throws his shield at Spider-Man on the head and Spider-Man is knocked unconscious, Thor cuts off Gamora's head and Gamora dies and Iron Man, Captain America and Thor take me to the Avengers complex
Me: guys thank you for saving me
Iron Man: don't thank us. We'll do that again if it's necessary
What did you think of it