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Absolute Carnage vs. Deadpool Vol 1 2

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Hey! That was my favorite flamethrower! Had it since grade school. Hell, I even went on to minor in flamethrower in college. Just so you know, though... shooting the $%#& outta repugnant dillbags was my major.

—Deadpool

Appearing in 1st story

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Synopsis for 1st story

In the Spire, Dark Carnage greets Will O' The Wisp, Conundrum and the Freak - former inmates of Ravencroft Institute who have chosen to join his cult. Bonding them to offshoots of the Dark Carnage symbiote, Dark Carnage welcomes them to the family - though he specifies that it's a more akin to the Maggia and that they'll need to prove themselves. Taking out an autographed photo of Deadpool posing coyly, Dark Carnage tells his newest minions that Deadpool has the codices of four - or five - symbiotes inside him. Ripping out the spine of one of his cultists, Dark Carnage notices his photo is missing, Will O' The Wisp nervously stating that Freak ate it. Laughing, Dark Carnage tells Freak to be sure to cough up the spine if he eats the real thing.

At his comic book store and safehouse, Deadpool arms himself with an assortment of high-caliber weapons, gushing about how much he loves them and regrets ever leaving the house without them. As he makes out with a magnum pistol, his phone rings and he picks it up to find Spider-Man on the other end. As Wade zanily scolds Spider-Man for neglecting their friendship, Spider-Man asks for his help fighting Dark Carnage as he's never bonded to a symbiote before. Deadpool awkwardly tries to tell Spider-Man that he's bonded with multiple symbiotes, but sees Will O' The Wisp, Conundrum, and Freak on his security monitor. Telling Spider-Man that Dark Carnage has sent minions after him, Deadpool prepares to take care of the intruders.

Elsewhere in the city, Spider-Man and Venom fight against a horde of Carnage Doppelgängers, Venom snapping that Spider-Man doesn't need Deadpool when he has them; Spider-Man interjecting and stating that Deadpool probably needs their help.

As Conundrum teleports them inside, Will O' The Wisp marvels at Deadpool's excessive gun collection and conjures several spheres of light. Spotting Deadpool sitting at a chair, Freak attacks and slices off his head, gleefully asking the others if he should take up collecting heads. Conundrum wryly points out that it's a fake, Will O' The Wisp grousing that they were tricked. Spotting a note reading "_____ goes the dynamite!", Conundrum reads it, Freak grumbling that he doesn't get it. The dynamite concealed inside the dummy explodes, leveling the building and ejecting the would-be assassins to the street below.

Waiting for them, Deadpool stabs Conundrum through the chest with his katana, before being impaled from behind by Will O' The Wisp and Freak. As Deadpool laments not growing up to be a fireman proctologist, Will O' The Wisp remarks that he can turn intangible at will, while Freak states that he regurgitated - Will O' The Wisp irritably saying that he meant "regenerated". Whipping out a flamethrower, Wade blasts them with a jet of flames - though Will O' The Wisp turns intangible and Freak regenerates before biting the barrel into pieces. Deadpool pulls out a pair of pistols, but they have no effect; Will O' The Wisp increasing his density and he and Freak take turns slugging Deadpool as he makes raunchy jokes regarding their choice of words. Snaring Deadpool with tendrils, Will O' The Wisp uses his psychic powers to hypnotize Deadpool into cutting out his own spine. Deadpool plays along before stabbing Will O' The Wisp in the heart with a hidden dagger, quipping that his insanity sometimes makes him immune to psychic attacks. Transforming his arms into a mace and an axe, Freak snarls that he's invincible - Deadpool reaching into his bag of holding and asking if they can put that to the test. Freak shrugs off a machine gun and grenade launcher, but as Deadpool pulls increasingly large and powerful weapons out of his bag of holding he starts getting worried. Pulling out one of Cable's ridiculously massive Liefeldian firearms, Deadpool overtaxes Freak's ability to regenerate. Pulling out a water gun, Deadpool gently squirts Freak - causing him to explode into a mess of gore, bones, and organs. As Deadpool grouses about being covered in Freak's innards, tendrils seize him from behind and lift him off the ground - Carnage snarling that he'll take care of this himself. Recognizing Norman Osborn's voice, Deadpool enrages him by questioning his delusion that he's Cletus Kasady.

Solicit Synopsis

CARNAGE’S MOST WANTED!

• Having hosted five separate symbiotes, Deadpool becomes a prime target for codex hunters.

• Dark Carnage puts a big target on Deadpool’s back, and the most dangerous forces in the Marvel Universe are on his trail!

• There’s only one way out…and it will be ABSOLUTE CARNAGE.

Notes

  • The solicit mentions Deadpool has bonded to five symbiotes per Deadpool: Back in Black, but an editorial mock-argument between Frank Tieri and Devin Lewis reveals that while that may technically be the case they are not counting Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars or Deadpool: Back in Black.

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