In Mesopotamia or Sumer or someplace like that, the priestesses of the Demon Pazuzu found themselves in a religious war with priests of another god (Marduk or Baal or Dagon). One night while the priestesses practiced their filth-gathering ritual in the water of the Tigris, the Euphrates, the Swanee or some such river, Vicki of Hambabu found a mysterious jewel that pulsated with arcane energies and disinfectant liquids. The disembodied voice of Pazuzu told her to "Make a bracelet of purest uranium and wear this jewel on your wrist. You will develop vastly enlarged bazooms, and when the enemies strike you alone will be spared". She did as she was instructed and when the priestesses were attacked by their rivals and slain, Vicki faced the priests unafraid and she was the chosen of Pazuzu, the stupendously endowed instrument of germ-ridden justice: she was the wielder of the Doucheblade. As promised, she alone survived but fearing prosecution she fled into the desert where she later died of radiation poisoning.[1]


Over the centuries the blade past through the Pazuzu-chosen of their generation: Hatshepsut of Egypt, Hippolyta of the Amazons, Joan of Arc of France, the British writer Jane Austen, Queen Victoria of Britain, possibly Lizzie Borden, then Eleanor Roosevelt the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, before remaining lost for forty years[1]

Howard the Duck (Mouse form) transformed by the Amulet of Pazuzu

Modern days

It was later found in Cleveland by a novelty salesman who placed it in a claw machine. The amulet was discovered by Kenneth Flogg who used his assistant, Ian Whippingham to wait till the chosen one picked it who turned out to be Suzi Pazuzu.

While interrogating Howard the Duck and Beverley Switzlet, Suzi began getting visions of those previously chosen and returned home, being followed by Howard and Beverly who entered during the Ridiculum, the ultimate trial of the Doucheblade (a painful process involving riddles from the previous wielders). As they went to the house, Ian and Dr Bong arrived with the intent of stealing the Amulet for Kenneth. During her transformation, Ian and Bong burst in knocking the amulet off and onto Howard instead, who transformed. Killing Ian in a fit of rage and gratuitous violence, he went to kill Bong, but failed and Beverly threatened him with the blade before he fled. The blade turned back into amulet form and the pair left it back in the possession of Suzi.[1]


  • The Doucheblade/Amulet of Pazuzu is a parody of the Image Comics weapon the Witchblade.

See Also

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