Jessica Drew (Earth-616)/Quotes

List of all notable quotes by or about Jessica Drew (Earth-616).
(Please add any important quotations that may be missing, ensuring to cite the original source. Pages with a quote from this character will automatically be added here along with the quote.)
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 From now on Spider-Woman fights back! 

—Spider-Woman Vol 1 1

 Listen up, bitchcakes. I'm Jessica Drew and what you just got a faceful of was my spider-bite. Where the f*ck is Mattie Franklin? 

—Alias Vol 1 19

 Bored. Bored with dolls. Which stinks, because I don't have anything but dolls. 

—Spider-Woman: Origin Vol 1 1

 Okay, Skrull, it's just me and you... 

—Spider-Woman Vol 4 4

 I'm a secret agent hunting alien Skrulls. But...you already know that from my last interrogation which you recorded and the dead body in your basement. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 4 5

 You're the A-Team? Really? How far down the Rolodex do you think he was when he settled on you guys? 

—Spider-Woman Vol 4 6

 You don't yell Avengers Assemble every time we leave the house. ... Save it for when we need it. 

—Avengers Vol 4 3

 He didn't decide to become the Hulk... But he gets to decide what the Hulk becomes. 

—Avengers Assemble Vol 2 11

 We're part of some-thing bigger than us. Bigger than our egos, bigger than our mistakes. When someone targets one of us, they answer to us all. This guy invaded your home... This is war now. 

—Avengers: The Enemy Within Vol 1 1

 I didn't think I'd make it... And I was right. Again. 

—Avengers Assemble Vol 2 18

 Temporary alliances, Natasha... I can tolerate anything if it means we get what we want. 

—Avengers Vol 5 18

 Now all I gotta do is Spy-der-Woman my way inside... And snatch up the pertinent intel-- 

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 2

 How many times can you answer the same question before people stop asking? I quit the Avengers five weeks ago today. And everyone I've ever meet is dying to know why. I'm beginning too think it's not much curiosity as it is... that nobody likes my answer. Tell your dentist you've just willingly given up your rent-free apartment in Avengers Tower -- and turned in your S.H.I.E.L.D. international super-spy expense account -- because you want to try living a normal life -- she will tilt her head at you like a confused terrier. I get it. Sounds weird. But Look, my parents were mad scientists who pumped me full of spider-juice just to see what would happen. I went to Hail Hydra high school and Nick Fury university. Everyone I've ever dated has super powers. (Except Hawkeye.) I've been extraordinary my entire life. After all these years of insanity... a little ordinary sounds pretty #$%^ great. What? This doesn't look very normal to you? Am I caught in the web of an apocalyptic Multiversal Spider-Orgy? Or fighting off a cosmic-level extinction event? No. I don't hear Maria Hill chirping need-to-know double talk into my ear. And as far as I can tell, I haven't been abducted and replaced by any Skrull Queens. You have your normal... and I have mine. This is what I wanted. Old school. Street level. Helping the innocent by hospitalizing the guilty. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 5

 You want to blackmail Doctor Doom or Magneto to pull something for you, fine. I mean good luck, but I get it. These are a bunch of also-ran C-list chumps. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 6

 All right, listen... I did not come here to fight you. I came here to find you. And what I found is frankly... remarkable. What you've built here is remarkable and I don't want to see it snatched away. But you have to stop breaking all these @#$% laws. Blackmailing your idiot exes into stealing things is just stealing things. That ends now. Leave your old lives back where they belong and build new ones -- here in your cool little town full of beautiful cars. Normal-people lives funded by normal-people jobs. Free of criminal coercion and larceny. If you can do that... and I will know because I plan to keep serious tabs on this place... but if you can, my lips are sealed. Secret safe. Are we cool? Good. Now if someone could direct me to the closest handful of aspirin -- and maybe a bottle of fruit-flavored soda -- that would be amazing. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 8

 I never wanted children. Not even a little. Other people's kids are... well, they're weird. Always either obnoxious-loud. Or awkward-quiet. With ten or so sticky little fingers grabbing at everything. I believe that other people genuinely enjoy holding babies. I do. I just can't for the life of me tell you why. It's not that I'm heartless or cold. I like grown people. I like baby animals. I watch that bouncing internet goat video, like, three times a week. I just... never wanted to be a mom, you know? 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 1

 I'm thirty-six weeks pregnant, lady! I'm meant to be home right now, saving my DVR from reruns of Property Brothers. My one and only priority is the safety of this big weird gut. Just like the rest of you. Look, I know this is scary. I'm not trying to freak anyone out. All we have to do is hold out a few more minutes. I promise I can get us through this. But I'm not risking my kid's life so you lot can keep your seats. I'm gonna need your help. Okay? Good. Here's what we're gonna do. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 2

 I'm pretty sure my water just broke. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 3

 It's funny. I've been trying so hard for normal. Quit the Avengers. Moved into the office. Started this street-level thing with Urich. And well... try as I might. Normal has eluded the Spider-Woman. But this little guy here. Maybe he's got a shot at it. Maybe I can give him normal. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 4

 You two have a choice -- you can either stay up there bickering like grannies at bingo parlor... or follow me. Work as a team -- and get this done. 

—Spider-Gwen Vol 2 7

 Well... that's that. I have a relatively short under-no-circumstances list -- but flooded-sewer swim with Bitey Shark-Man... that's a number one. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 8

 Why can't super heroes go five minutes without hauling off and putting the fate of the world into their own hands? Well, that's because we're all a bunch of -- arrogant. Judgmental. Self-righteous. Jackasses. It's not our fault really. The vocation attracts a certain personality type. It's our nature. Pit a bunch of obsessive type-A thrill seekers against a common enemy? Look out. But ask that same group to wait a few seconds and maybe try talking things out? Things can get grim, dark, and ugly in a hurry. One end of the world scenario a year is enough for me, thanks very much. Spider-Woman is way too busy for that @#$%. I'm steering clear and staying out for a while. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 9

 You, Ben Urich, are no normal. You're the best. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 10

 Hobgoblin killed him over a #$%^ costume, Ben! Over his stupid Porcupine suit! 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 15

 If Roger doesn't get back up here soon, I'm going to hurt someone. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 6 17

 Yeah, twenty-sided words don't change the facts, Dungeon Master. This plan failed, what's the next plan? 

—Doctor Strange Vol 4 21

 You say a lot of stupid things, Sorcerer! But that one takes the whole bloody cake! This is so not okay! 

—Doctor Strange Vol 4 23

 I'm not bored. A little spooked, maybe. Anyone know any good ghost stories? 

—Strikeforce Vol 1 4

 ⚞HFF⚟ ⚞HFF⚟ What's happening to me, Michael? 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 2

 Where the @#%& are we, Michael??? 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 3

 My mum's not dead, I have a brother, you both lied to me then made me sick to get me to help you! This is perfectly great and normal!!! 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 4

 Spiders don't have families. But I do. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 5

 You should have trusted me. Carol should have trusted me. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 8

 Ohhhh, you are getting so many zap zaps for that. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 13

 Ohhh, I knew Pinkie Sass-Suit had pheromone powers! But how did they work on us? Mine don't affect women. 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 15

 Ahhhaaa, my best friend is on fire and jumping through a window! That's fine! That's perfectly fine! 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 17

 You-- you really think Fisk is going to let you free after this? 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 19

 Nice try, but I'm here-- for one reason. To finally-- kick. Your. &%$#!!! 

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 21

 Spiders don't have families. But I do. 

—Jessica Drew (Earth-616)

 Congratulations, Wolverine. You are no longer the most screwed-over human in the history of the entire world. 

—Spider-Woman: Agent of S.W.O.R.D. (motion comic) Season 1 1

 It seems they Frankensteined together loose chunks of all the universes they've conquered. 

—Loomworld

 You chose that name. You put the mask on. You're wearing the grim and gritty, black scary bodysuit. 

—Spider-Woman's Suit

Doctor Strange	Jessica, I'm Doctor Strange. It's good to meet you. We're going to get through this. I was at the birth of the last Avengers' baby.
Spider-Woman	Oh yeah. The Scarlet Witch and the Vision.
Spider-Man	And this has to go better than that did.
Spider-Man	Oh my God, that was so much more clever in my head before it came out of my mouth.
Spider-Woman	I don't think it was.
Doctor Strange	How about the rest of you wait in the library?

—The Pulse Vol 1 12

Nick Fury	You're keeping the suit?
Spider-Woman	This is me
Nick Fury	What if I told you it was against regulations?
Spider-Woman	Oh man, I'll go break it to Captain America

—Spider-Woman: Origin Vol 1 4

Captain America	Octavius is close to death. That has a way of bringing things into sharp focus. Perhaps--
Spider-Man	Perhaps what?! You're actually discussing this?! What is this? Earth's Mightiest Chat Room?!
Spider-Woman	Spider-Man? Is that--?
Spider-Man	Yeah. New suit. New look. Get over it. I'm talking now. And I'm saying the only two words anyone here should be saying-- Avengers Assemble!

—Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 682

Danger	Simulation complete
Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)	But-but we... we escaped
Danger	You are imprisoned under the authority of Scott Summers.
Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)	No, we-- we--
Danger	You never left your cell

—New Avengers Vol 2 28

Hawkeye	Hold on, I'm having an argument with my girlfriend.
Spider-Woman	Girlfriend? So you do know that word?
Hawkeye	Oh my God! What did I do now?

—Avengers Vol 4 30

Spider-Woman	It's like someone's working their way through your greatest hits.
Captain Marvel	Carol Danvers: The early years.

—Avengers Assemble Vol 2 16

Jessica	Oh we really are starting from scratch, huh? Everything is about me. Now say you're sorry.
Carol	I'm sorry... sorry I'm a badass.
Jessica	...good enough.

—Captain Marvel Vol 7 16

Hawkeye	Why am I doing this? I'm not in on whatever this is.
Black Widow and Spider-Woman	Because you want to impress us.
Hawkeye	...
Hawkeye	... Are you impressed?
Black Widow and Spider-Woman	No.

—Secret Avengers Vol 3 1

Spider-Woman	Wait-- You're in charge of this unit?
Black Knight	It's, ah... A temporary thing.
Spider-Woman	I'd imagine so. You know, Dane, costume proclivities and affinity for the music of suede aside, last I checked you're American.

—Avengers World Vol 1 8

Spider-Woman	Steve...
Steve Rogers	Just spit it out, Drew.
Spider-Woman	I quit.

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 4

Black Widow	Avengers don't get to be normal. Not while the sky is on fire. We don't get to run around alleyways beating up D-listers with Ben Urich. And we don't have time to teach the Porcupine how to be a hero.
Spider-Woman	I know. That's why I quit.

—Spider-Woman Vol 5 10

Spider-Woman	Roger, I'm ME again. The suit was... well, it mostly worked, but even when it didn't, it was pretty cool! I didn't get both of them, but I'm gonna find out more, and-.
Roger Gocking	That's... that's great, honey. Maybe next time I could-
Spider-Woman	Thank you for coming back to make sure everything was safe here. That means so much to me. But, woo. I'm beat. Big day tomorrow, haha! Wow. This wasn't perfect, but damn does it feel good to be back!
Roger Gocking	Oh, uh. Okay, but... Jess. We need to talk.

—Spider-Woman Vol 7 11

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