Jessica Drew (Earth-616)/Quotes

It seems they Frankensteined together loose chunks of all the universes they've conquered.

You chose that name. You put the mask on. You're wearing the grim and gritty, black scary bodysuit.

Congratulations, Wolverine. You are no longer the most screwed-over human in the history of the entire world.

From now on Spider-Woman fights back!

Listen up, bitchcakes. I'm Jessica Drew and what you just got a faceful of was my spider-bite. Where the f*ck is Mattie Franklin?

Bored. Bored with dolls. Which stinks, because I don't have anything but dolls.

Okay, Skrull, it's just me and you...

I'm a secret agent hunting alien Skrulls. But...you already know that from my last interrogation which you recorded and the dead body in your basement.

You're the A-Team? Really? How far down the Rolodex do you think he was when he settled on you guys?

You don't yell Avengers Assemble every time we leave the house. ... Save it for when we need it.

He didn't decide to become the Hulk... But he gets to decide what the Hulk becomes.

We're part of some-thing bigger than us. Bigger than our egos, bigger than our mistakes. When someone targets one of us, they answer to us all. This guy invaded your home... This is war now.

I didn't think I'd make it... And I was right. Again.

Temporary alliances, Natasha... I can tolerate anything if it means we get what we want.

Now all I gotta do is Spy-der-Woman my way inside... And snatch up the pertinent intel--

How many times can you answer the same question before people stop asking? I quit the Avengers five weeks ago today. And everyone I've ever meet is dying to know why. I'm beginning too think it's not much curiosity as it is... that nobody likes my answer. Tell your dentist you've just willingly given up your rent-free apartment in Avengers Tower -- and turned in your S.H.I.E.L.D. international super-spy expense account -- because you want to try living a normal life -- she will tilt her head at you like a confused terrier. I get it. Sounds weird. But Look, my parents were mad scientists who pumped me full of spider-juice just to see what would happen. I went to Hail Hydra high school and Nick Fury university. Everyone I've ever dated has super powers. (Except Hawkeye.) I've been extraordinary my entire life. After all these years of insanity... a little ordinary sounds pretty #$%^ great. What? This doesn't look very normal to you? Am I caught in the web of an apocalyptic Multiversal Spider-Orgy? Or fighting off a cosmic-level extinction event? No. I don't hear Maria Hill chirping need-to-know double talk into my ear. And as far as I can tell, I haven't been abducted and replaced by any Skrull Queens. You have your normal... and I have mine. This is what I wanted. Old school. Street level. Helping the innocent by hospitalizing the guilty.

You want to blackmail Doctor Doom or Magneto to pull something for you, fine. I mean good luck, but I get it. These are a bunch of also-ran C-list chumps.

All right, listen... I did not come here to fight you. I came here to find you. And what I found is frankly... remarkable. What you've built here is remarkable and I don't want to see it snatched away. But you have to stop breaking all these @#$% laws. Blackmailing your idiot exes into stealing things is just stealing things. That ends now. Leave your old lives back where they belong and build new ones -- here in your cool little town full of beautiful cars. Normal-people lives funded by normal-people jobs. Free of criminal coercion and larceny. If you can do that... and I will know because I plan to keep serious tabs on this place... but if you can, my lips are sealed. Secret safe. Are we cool? Good. Now if someone could direct me to the closest handful of aspirin -- and maybe a bottle of fruit-flavored soda -- that would be amazing.

I never wanted children. Not even a little. Other people's kids are... well, they're weird. Always either obnoxious-loud. Or awkward-quiet. With ten or so sticky little fingers grabbing at everything. I believe that other people genuinely enjoy holding babies. I do. I just can't for the life of me tell you why. It's not that I'm heartless or cold. I like grown people. I like baby animals. I watch that bouncing internet goat video, like, three times a week. I just... never wanted to be a mom, you know?

I'm thirty-six weeks pregnant, lady! I'm meant to be home right now, saving my DVR from reruns of Property Brothers. My one and only priority is the safety of this big weird gut. Just like the rest of you. Look, I know this is scary. I'm not trying to freak anyone out. All we have to do is hold out a few more minutes. I promise I can get us through this. But I'm not risking my kid's life so you lot can keep your seats. I'm gonna need your help. Okay? Good. Here's what we're gonna do.

I'm pretty sure my water just broke.

It's funny. I've been trying so hard for normal. Quit the Avengers. Moved into the office. Started this street-level thing with Urich. And well... try as I might. Normal has eluded the Spider-Woman. But this little guy here. Maybe he's got a shot at it. Maybe I can give him normal.

You two have a choice -- you can either stay up there bickering like grannies at bingo parlor... or follow me. Work as a team -- and get this done.

Well... that's that. I have a relatively short under-no-circumstances list -- but flooded-sewer swim with Bitey Shark-Man... that's a number one.

Why can't super heroes go five minutes without hauling off and putting the fate of the world into their own hands? Well, that's because we're all a bunch of -- arrogant. Judgmental. Self-righteous. Jackasses. It's not our fault really. The vocation attracts a certain personality type. It's our nature. Pit a bunch of obsessive type-A thrill seekers against a common enemy? Look out. But ask that same group to wait a few seconds and maybe try talking things out? Things can get grim, dark, and ugly in a hurry. One end of the world scenario a year is enough for me, thanks very much. Spider-Woman is way too busy for that @#$%. I'm steering clear and staying out for a while.

You, Ben Urich, are no normal. You're the best.

Hobgoblin killed him over a #$%^ costume, Ben! Over his stupid Porcupine suit!

If Roger doesn't get back up here soon, I'm going to hurt someone.

Yeah, twenty-sided words don't change the facts, Dungeon Master. This plan failed, what's the next plan?

You say a lot of stupid things, Sorcerer! But that one takes the whole bloody cake! This is so not okay!

I'm not bored. A little spooked, maybe. Anyone know any good ghost stories?

⚞HFF⚟ ⚞HFF⚟ What's happening to me, Michael?

Where the @#%& are we, Michael???

My mum's not dead, I have a brother, you both lied to me then made me sick to get me to help you! This is perfectly great and normal!!!

Spiders don't have families. But I do.

You should have trusted me. Carol should have trusted me.

Ohhhh, you are getting so many zap zaps for that.

Ohhh, I knew Pinkie Sass-Suit had pheromone powers! But how did they work on us? Mine don't affect women.

Ahhhaaa, my best friend is on fire and jumping through a window! That's fine! That's perfectly fine!

Conversations with Jessica Drew (Earth-616)

Doctor Strange

Jessica, I'm Doctor Strange. It's good to meet you. We're going to get through this. I was at the birth of the last Avengers' baby.

Oh yeah. The Scarlet Witch and the Vision.

And this has to go better than that did.

Oh my God, that was so much more clever in my head before it came out of my mouth.

I don't think it was.

Doctor Strange

How about the rest of you wait in the library?

— The Pulse #12

Nick Fury

You're keeping the suit?

This is me

Nick Fury

What if I told you it was against regulations?

Oh man, I'll go break it to Captain America

— Spider-Woman: Origin #4

Captain America

Octavius is close to death. That has a way of bringing things into sharp focus. Perhaps--

Perhaps what?! You're actually discussing this?! What is this? Earth's Mightiest Chat Room?!

Spider-Man? Is that--?

Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)

Yeah. New suit. New look. Get over it. I'm talking now. And I'm saying the only two words anyone here should be saying-- Avengers Assemble!

— Amazing Spider-Man #682

Danger

Simulation complete

But-but we... we escaped

Danger

You are imprisoned under the authority of Scott Summers.

Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)

No, we-- we--

Danger

You never left your cell

— New Avengers Vol 2 #28

Hold on, I'm having an argument with my girlfriend.

Girlfriend? So you do know that word?

Oh my God! What did I do now?

— Avengers Vol 4 #30

It's like someone's working their way through your greatest hits.

Captain Marvel

Carol Danvers: The early years.

— Avengers Assemble Vol 2 #16

Jessica

Oh we really are starting from scratch, huh? Everything is about me. Now say you're sorry.

Carol

I'm sorry... sorry I'm a badass.

Jessica

...good enough.

— Captain Marvel Vol 7 #16

Why am I doing this? I'm not in on whatever this is.

Black Widow and Spider-Woman

Because you want to impress us.

...

... Are you impressed?

Black Widow and Spider-Woman

No.

— Secret Avengers Vol 3 #1

Wait-- You're in charge of this unit?

Black Knight

It's, ah... A temporary thing.

I'd imagine so. You know, Dane, costume proclivities and affinity for the music of suede aside, last I checked you're American.

— Avengers World #8

Steve...

Steve Rogers

Just spit it out, Drew.

I quit.

— Spider-Woman Vol 5 #4

Black Widow

Avengers don't get to be normal. Not while the sky is on fire. We don't get to run around alleyways beating up D-listers with Ben Urich. And we don't have time to teach the Porcupine how to be a hero.

I know. That's why I quit.

— Spider-Woman Vol 5 #10

Roger, I'm ME again. The suit was... well, it mostly worked, but even when it didn't, it was pretty cool! I didn't get both of them, but I'm gonna find out more, and-.

Roger Gocking

That's... that's great, honey. Maybe next time I could-