Marvel
This page contains a listing of all notable quotes by or about Peter Parker (Earth-616).

It may not be the definitive list, so please add any important quotations that may be missing, ensuring to cite the original source.
Pages with a quote from this character will automatically be added here along with the quote.

(This template will categorize articles that include it into Category:Quotes.)

Quotes by Peter Parker (Earth-616)

Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm looking at me, older. Much older. And somehow I know that this is the end. This is my last stand. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Gwen? No. The real Gwen died long ago. This is nothing more than a clone... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If I've learned one thing, it's that you could not pay me to swing around in costume with this kind of humidity. Houston apparently shares weather with Vietnam. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Actually, my friend, I should be the one thanking you. For making the choice you made. And not forcing me to make one I didn't want to. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png An entire century goes by, and you're supposed to be the next level of bad guy? Give unto me a break. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Two men. One in a gray Armani suit, the other in Italian leather pants and silk poet's shirt. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Two men. One in a gray Armani suit, the other in Italian leather pants and silk poet's shirt. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Max Modell's one of my heroes. Scientific pioneer. Founder of Horizon Labs. And all-around good guy. And this is going to sound selfish, but... seeing him tie the knot with his partner Hector... being welcomed back into his extended family, for this moment in his life is one of the best moments in mine. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Adoma. Congratulations. You just became the first winner of a Parker Industries college scholarship. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ... Terry Sorenson, also known as Equinox, the Thermodynamic Man, a guy with all the powers of Iceman and the Human Torch. In the past he's been both a hero and a villain. So it can be a little hard to gauge his temperature. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Is "May the Fish be with you" a good pun? I can't tell. I'm going to use it anyway. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You'll never make the Yankees with a swing like that! Or even the Mets! Of course I don't think they have a uniform in your size. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh, yeah. Just like riding a shape-shifting psychopathic bike. Time for extreme makeover: extraterrestrial parasite removal edition! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And we shall be called... the Fellowship of the Ring. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I know that look. I had it a lot when I was your age... There's no stopping you. I want you to run because you don't have your armor. But you won't... 'cause you're a hero. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Kaine came down here to get away from the insanity of Spider-Man's world. But then he put on a costume and fought crime anyway. He wanted all the power, and none of the responsibility. But he took it on anyway. He found a home here. He had friends here. A city that counted on him. And while he may not have liked it... turns out Kaine is every bit the hero that I am. Wherever he is... I hope my brother has found peace. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And Flash Thompson! An olympian! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png MJ's film career has taken off. Look at her! A leading lady! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Unless... if he never had Spider-Man to focus on... maybe he got help? And he stayed true to his work instead of focusing on killing me? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But maybe if I wasn't there... Maybe in this reality someone else thought they could stop the thief. And maybe they actually did it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But maybe if I wasn't there... Maybe in this reality someone else thought they could stop the thief. And maybe they actually did it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...is that a frog in a Thor costume? Because that's way cute! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're a geneticist. You're telling me you believe in some bearded guy standing on a cloud? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png By the way......great costume! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That-- that was one of the Watcher's eyes?! But the Watcher's seen... everything. Ahh! Millions of secrets! Things that were kept from me! Filling my head all at once! The spider! After it bit me-- --it bit someone else?! A girl? I--never knew! Who is she? Ezekiel?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ' Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You said you took up Prowler again because it was the only way you could work out how to help. Hobie, this is how you can help. Put Prowler aside. Maybe show Mindy you don't have to live in a super villain lair to make a difference. Show the world what Hobie Brown can do. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I learned this a long time ago. Never listen to Mysterio. Not because he tends to go on and on (which is true)... He's got illusions, the gas, but the helmet gives his speech pattern some crazy mind-bending properties. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Despite the fork in the road five years ago, we are the same guy. Closer that brothers-- closer than two people could be. When I found out that I was the clone and not you-- okay... yeah, I bugged out... but after that-- it was you! It was your strength-- your acceptance of it when you thought you were the clone that carried me through! You were my strength, and. well... you've come to mean a lot to me. I love you, man. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well, responsibility's something I know a little bit about... ...so let's see if this friendly neighborhood wall-crawler can't get the scoop on this Prowler impostor! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh no! No! It can't be happening! It can't be--! Doc Ock is marrying Aunt May! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My head... spinning again. That cold is really wrecking me... can hardly stand... UNNNNNH! It's not the cold... it can't be. My strength's emptying out -- feel all drained, on fire! Radiation poisoning -- I was exposed too -- the radiation must be hitting my own radioactive blood -- eating at me -- dissolving my energy -- destroying me! Can't move -- can hardly think! Is this -- is this it? IS THIS THE END OF SPIDER-MAN? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png RAXTON, NO! The water's too cold -- your body will -- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hello? Creepy waif girl? Sorry about the "paper doll" crack. That seemed to touch a nerve. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Holy Cow! It's really him -- The Green Goblin lives again! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Whatever I can give, he's got. You see, officer... he's my friend. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's the Jackal! And from the way he's talking -- MY PROBLEMS HAVE JUST BEGUN! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Make that "chump", not champ, Max. You were Jameson's chump ten years ago -- now you've been the Jackal's. But don't worry -- someday, I'll get the Jackal too. And that, my fat friend -- is a promise from Spider-Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Then -- it's finally happened! I'm cracking up -- Peter Parker is -- insane! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Right now, I'd trade the whole Spider-Man bit for a rocking chair and a subscription to Reader's Digest. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png She's a bad guy, folks. You should stop giving her attention and use the internet for what it was invented for...using the Googles to find Norman Os-porn. Everybody knows that. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I couldn't last three minutes in the ring with you. Spider-Man's tapping out. But that's where you made your mistake, Norman. Because I'm still here. I'm Peter Parker. The Man in Spider-Man. And I'm the one who's going to take you down. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I need a place to change! A phone booth--? Nah! Even I'm not that corny! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Mr. Negative was never born, so he is ever living! He is attached to nothing, thus one with all! Now that you Lao Fan have come to Chinatown -- I will choke the streets with your dead!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Eesh! And I though I was obnoxious! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey. You, uh. I heard -- word on the, uh, street is... you're making -- a documentary? On me? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, well I need a Video Music Award, but you don't see me attacking Taylor Swift. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I messed with time. We couldn't affect our present. So I tried to make things better for this world. I thought it was safe. I was wrong. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh man, I have officially spent too much time with you, Wade. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Aleksei! Listen to me! You're wrong! I've lost people too! But that pain -- that hurt -- that means they are still there! You carry them with you! In everything you do! And with the person you are! They're a part of you forever! That means you honor them, Aleksei! By being the person they would want you to be! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And the rest of you -- be careful, okay? The world's not... it's not so fun anymore, you know? I don't want to go to any more of these. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Don't you see? I couldn't stand being a puppet. I'd rather die! And what good would I be to you then?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png How are you walking like that?! At these G's?! You been workin' out, Mac?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's funny how life turns out sometimes... Isn't it, target-top? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That will never happen. You know I can and will fight you. Destroy you if I have to. With fire... with sound... whatever it takes, but you will never be part of my life again! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Logan. Buddy. If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake. But if you want at my little lizard pal, you're gonna have to go through me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well I'll be an eight-ball's uncle! That glob just -- just spread out and became a costume -- and dissolved away the tatters of my old one in the process! Not bad! Different -- but not bad! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If Scorpio hasn't come out by now, maybe he never will. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Tinkerer. This. Ends. Now!!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You think this is a lot of wreckage? This is nothin'! This one time, Doc Ock dumped his entire underwater headquarters on me! Water was rushing in...but I never gave up! I never gave in! I have to be equal to my strength -- or else I don't deserve it! NNNN! The strain -- NNNNN! -- it's unbearable -- but -- but -- um, yeah... Actually, I can't lift this. Little help over here? Please? Bueller? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I see it -- but there's no way we can get to it in time to stop it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We're with you, Thrasher. Er... it's okay if I call you Thrasher isn't it -- even though we just met? I'm generally on a first name basis with anybody who attacks me from behind. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ... I have to set Venom loose! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sorry, kid. But the good guy can't always save the world. Sometimes he just does what he can... ...eat his broccoli -- ...and hopes everything works out. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Y'know its funny. I'd almost forgotten... how much I don't miss high school. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Once Carnage and his band of animals have to face the cutting edge of technology -- they're as good as finished! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Being true to what I am is the most important thing! I realize it now! And if I ignore it -- everything else in my life, including my relationship with Mary Jane, will be nothing but a hollow sham! M.J. was wrong! This is worth the risk! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Have no fear, Spidey's here! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What we have here is a failure to communicate! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I sure am popular in this town! If I ran for Mayor... even Mao T'se Tung would beat me! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png When... when will I learn to mind my own business? If I stopped a forest fire, they'd fine me for being in the woods without a license! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png People are always warning me! It's nice to know they care! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Because Flash Thompson is my friend! And if you think you're going to get away with him, you're-- --you're-- --absolutely right, apparently. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I drank the potion-- even though it was untried-- it was untested-- because I wanted it to change me but-- not like this! NOT LIKE THIS! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Your name was Gwen Stacy. Mine is Peter Parker. This is the story of how we fell in love. Or, more appropriately, how we almost didn't fall in love. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And I'm sure they're going to ask what kind of idiot talks about one beautiful girl to another beautiful girl...? And, uh, the answer is... this kind of idiot. Me. Peter Parker. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I... I can't stay out of this...! It goes against every instinct I've lived by since Uncle Ben's death! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Time for the main event, Venom! Time to get body-slammed in the face......by your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Poor Eddie Brock......hopefully, now, he can find some peace with himself! And hopefully, the rest of us have seen the last of Venom... ...but somehow I doubt that! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just one thing, Mr. Fisk. You can die. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Something else Ben used to say..."With great powers comes great responsibility." I learned the truth of that one the hard way...right here. An accident at the science hall gave me my powers--but in that old warehouse, I truly learned what it means to be Spider-Man. And now it's gone. But Jonah was right, it won't be forgotten. I can never forget. This site will always be a reminder of my responsibilites...my great responsibilites. I'm trying, Uncle Ben...and I'll always keep trying. That's my promise. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Surrounded by a pack of vicious velociraptors. It's like this nightmare I had once...only this time I'm not naked. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Something's wrong. My human sense is tingling. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Today was a bump in the road, but I'm feeling good about all of this. One Super Villain's cured. A zillion more to go. I can do this. I've got my own company! All these resources. Good friends by my side. I can feel it. We're gonna change the worlds! This is going to work! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Lights out. And that, Agent Fury, is the last thing I remember. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Don't forget he's not just a werewolf, he's a PhD! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ferretland. You know, I always wanted to come to this place when I was a kid. Aunt May and Uncle Ben said it was too expensive, but to be fair--fronts for science cults with plans for world domination must have a lot of overhead. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Whoever said photos don't lie never met Nick Katzenberg. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This entire adventure barely makes sense to me. And the same goes to you, your world, wherever we are right now and this exact moment we're sharing. The only thing I do know... the one thing I can't deny is that you're a hero, Ham. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We're being extremely generous calling this a plan. Kang is a heavy hitter. We can't go toe-to-toe with him. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Seriously, a clinic that super heroes frequent and you think, "That's the place I want to rip off next"?! Let me ask you, and be honest, are you stupid? Or really, really stupid? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Is that Hoary Hosts with an "H" or with a "W"? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We tell ourselves stories to get through the hard times. And, yes, how we tell them matters. But the truth is, there's only so far they'll take you. You can play the dream in your head over and over, but if you want things to change -- if you want that story to be your life, you have to wake up. You have to make it real. This is my story -- our story. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So yeah, it's official. Peter Parker is Spider-Man no more. Or Spider-Man is Peter Parker no more. Depends on your perspective. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm back! I can already feel myself trying to be funny again! And there's that overwhelming sense of guilt and regret I missed so much! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh God. It's a museum of Jonah. This is my worst nightmare. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Truth be told... I don't know how Aunt May put up with me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I wish I could ask Aunt May. She'd know what to do. She always knows what to do. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Please, Doc, you have to wake up. Not just for me. For Billy. Yes! There you are! -- get up! Your son needs you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're not getting those kids, Norman. Not as long as I'm still here. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What if I just... tell him the truth? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Jonah, are you -- are you seriously still trying to interview me right now? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Me and Boomerang, we had a deal. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My fault -- all my fault! If only I had stopped him when I could have! But I didn't -- and now -- Uncle Ben -- is dead..... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Fate gave me some terrific super-powers, and I realize now that it's my duty to use them... without doubt... without hesitation!! ...and that means Spider-Man is going into action again! I'll fight as I've never fought before!! Nothing will stop me now! For I know at last that a man can't change his destiny... and I was born to be... Spider-Man!!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Still, shooting the mutant with a healing factor probably wasn't the best use of your arrows. You're just going to make him...mad. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ya hear that, Chameleon? The President-elect here just appointed me... Secretary of Shuttin' You Up! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Who the --? What the --? How the --? Who is he? His moves... they're somewhat like mine, but... more like he's flying than leaping. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Omigosh! It's a girl! Just a kid! What was she-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The memory of the man. I'm not hiding from anything. Not this time. I'll take care of her. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This isn't over, Fisk, not by a long shot. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...someone wanna tell me where the naked guy came from? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Are you kidding? I just spent two weeks getting shot, buried alive and crawling through sewers. You bet your adamantium tuchus I feel like it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Love is never silent, Mr. Davis-- and it never dies. It lives in us, in our hearts... ...forever. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Life sucks sometimes... but it's always worth living. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You say you don't want the responsibility? Guess what? People like us...we don't get a choice. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm three days away from you finding me running around Times Square in nothing but my web-shooters and my mask whooping it up about power and responsibility. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well, uh... ...I've made a couple of changes. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png --the damage had already been done, Felicia, and... ...and Jordan knows how close he came. And now... ...now, he has to live with that part of himself, for the rest of his life. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Seriously, a clinic that super heroes frequent and you think, "That's the place I want to rip off next"?! Let me ask you, and be honest, are you stupid? Or really, really stupid? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Wow, you know you're in crazytown when Osborn's the voice of reason. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's hard to face your fears. But sometimes, you must. Then... and only then... ...you can be at peace with them. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But it's not the same thing! All these years--I've done my best to make up for that! I've wore this suit--gone out there and put my life on the line again and again! But no matter how hard I try-- --people-- --die! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Man, I really needed that. For all my complaining and whining, it's all so clear to me now... things are looking up. Not for Peter Parker. But y'know what? Forget that guy. Who needs him? 'cause whenever I want, I can be the Amazing Spider-Man. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png H-Have t-to admit, though...I'm s-starting to wish I'd b-been bitten by a radioactive p-polar bear. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hi, Danielle. I Pida-Man. Spida-Mun. Spider-Man. I don't even know what I just blabbered. Just pick the one that made the most sense. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm talking to the guy who's filming, watching, and getting his jollies from every minute of this. You went too far this time, Mysterio! Now it's personal! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png With my spider-strength, speed, and agility nothing could've stopped me from landing any sports scholarship-- or getting on any professional team I wanted. Nothing except a sense of responsibility. And a tiny bit of pride. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, do you guys realize that the acronym for "Anti-Spider Squad" is A.S.S.? So I can call you big A.S.S.!, and you dumb A.S.S. and if your team does a tie-in with Hershey's, you can each be a candy A.S.S.! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, business as usual. I'm just a "misunderstood guy with a good heart." Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Spare me. A thug like you is why I became what I am. You? You're nothing like me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Y'think maybe we could move this relationship into another area? Personally, I think we're ready-- --let's swing, baby! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So, White Tiger -- are you one of Hector's cousins or nieces? Because you have his NON-sense of humor. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Two minutes earlier, Silver Sable put her life on the line, with no weapons and no expectation it was going to work. It was one of the bravest things I'd ever seen. But now, it looked lime Sable was back to her old mercenary self. Until I saw something no one else votadas to see... A smile for the princesas and her new husband. It was a teeny one. Blink and it was gone... But I saw it. And that's when I knew who Silver Sable really was. Incredibly brave. One of the most dangerous fighters I've ever seen...but she only pretended to be all about the money...because sometimes she put it all on the line for love. It's why she did everything. Love of her country. Family. Friends. Love of a rare vintage of champagne. And most of all, a love of adventure--Of life. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Your problem is, you're a dinosaur. Say it with me now: "Look everyone! I'm extinct!" Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey...by "gets any worse" I mean, like, hitting people an' stuff. Especially old friends who are trying to do you a favor. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Dude, you need to pick on someone your own size, species and/or gender. Say, what gender are you, anyway? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, that look is trade-marked! Ya gotta pay ten bucks if you're gonna do that! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If you ever laugh, let me know so I can hide underground. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...hhh...I never sinned against you, Eddie. It's all about you and the suit, dude-- you two are like an old married couple. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My mind must be going. I brought super villains into this...almost freed the Lizard. I shouldn't be a part of any of this. I--I'm Spider-Man. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just be straight with me, Crystal. You wouldn't keep showing up by these things if you hadn't found anything. And hey -- I'm the guy who third-wheeled your dates with Johnny Storm while the Inhumans were still a secret society. Whatever it is you're keeping from the world at large -- you can trust me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I know you grew up as isolationists, Crystal... but you don't have to go it alone anymore. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh no... Gibbon! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh, god... ->snff<- I thought... I thought you were gone, Mary Jane. Are you real? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Say! You don't happen to be related to another sunshine boy named J. Jonah Jameson, do you? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well, wobble my webs and call me shaky! It's Goldilocks -- the hippest hammer in the west! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hi, Smokey Boy! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I just dropped by to congratulate you on a perfect record! So far you've been 100 % wrong about me! I've got to hand it to you -- I'll bet it's not easy to make a fool out of yourself all the time! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You'd think I could come up with some way to get my life in order so that I'm not always just scraping by. Why can't things ever work out for me the way they do for everyone else? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I might as well face it... being Spider-Man is just plain habit-forming! It's like going out with girls!.. I can't give it up! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png There's no way out! She'd never have me as I am--and I just can't give up being Spider-Man! So, she'll end up marrying Leeds--and living the quiet, uneventful life she dreams of! There's only one thing I've got to figure out--how do I forget about--the girl I love?? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I've always felt I was partly responsible for the death of Uncle Ben, because he was killed by a criminal whom I didn't catch! And now--Aunt May! The two people I've loved most in the world--who were like my own father and mother to me--! Yet, their love for me--their kindness to me-- has brought them nothing but--tragedy! But it can't happen again! It mustn't! It mustn't! Not to Aunt May!! She's been too good--too kind--! I can't pay her back-- like this!! There must be some way to save her! There must be! And I'll find it! Somewhere, somehow--I'll find it! No matter what the cost--I'll save her! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Anyone can win a fight--when the odds--are easy! It's when the going's tough--when there seems to be no chance--that's when--it counts! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My Fault -- all my fault! If only I had stopped him when I could have! But I didn't -- and now --- Uncle Ben is dead... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Iron! Iron's a metal! And his punch felt like metal! It's a long shot -- but it could be -- the Molten Man! I'd bet on it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Let's talk about your costume! Those red longjohns break me up... but I liked your old yellow duds better! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Have no fear! Spidey is here! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Know why I hate you, Leeds--? Because you have the right to propose to Betty! The shadow of--Spider-Man--isn't standing between you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Boy! No wonder you covered your head the way you did! I don't know who you are, but one thing's for sure--a beauty contest winner you ain't! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Now don't get the feeling that I'm mad at you... It's just that I hate anybody to skip around town in a jazzier costume than mine! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can't let a common cold put me out of action! Otherwise, next time around, I'm liable to cry uncle if I develop some dandruff... or a case of chaffed lips! I might even become the only super-hero in town who won't fight because he's got acne! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png When you beat me last time, you were fighting a sick little Spider-Man! Even Doris Day could'a knocked me for a loop that time! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You oughtta be ashamed of yourselves! not only do you try to hijack one of the classiest places in town, but you didn't even phone ahead for a reservation! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Now I've seen it all! Those kookie mutants pick a fight with me because of some robot -- and then ride off into the sunset in a Rolls-Royce...while I stand here, soaked, with the beginnings of a summer cold! Some super-heroes have all the luck! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Don't get your gums in an uproar, Mallet-Head! I was just reading your column to get my laugh for the day! Where do you get the nerve to call your rag a newspaper? Who's been writing your stuff these days--the Brothers Grimm?!! Anyone who pays a dime for that scandal sheet oughtta get eleven cents change! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ock broke through it for one reason... to flaunt his strength before me... out of pure cussedness! But now he'll learn how cussed Spider-Man can be! I'll show him what strength really is! He won't get another chance to return and jeopardize the life of Aunt May! No matter where he is, I'll find him! And this time, nothing will stop me from ridding the world forever of the menace of Dr. Octopus! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Even though I can't remember... even though I don't really know you... every instinct within me wants to smash out... to strike... to destroy you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Didn't they ever tell you not to broadcast your plans? But that's the trouble with women... they just can't keep their mouths shut! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png No matter how small I am--no matter how hopeless everything seems--I mustn't give up! My size doesn't matter! Even my life doesn't matter! No one can win--every battle, but--no man should fall-- without a struggle! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I always thought fat fellas were supposed to be jolly! They oughta toss you out of the union! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The more I risk my life... the more deadly chances I take... the less good it seems to do! With all my strength ... with all my powers... why can't I ever make things right? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Listen to me hot stuff! It's a private fight between the Lizard and me! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's time I forgot about little ol' web-swinger for a while... and paid some attention to the private life of Peter Parker... who happens to be my favorite civilian! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png There she is! Man... standing next to those million dollar paintings, she still looks like the only masterpiece in the place! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If this is a victory... I'd hate to be defeated. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Okay, Mr. Clean... We've got some unfinished business, you and me! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Which is worse...? Staying behind while other guys are doing the fighting...? Or fighting in a war that nobody wants... against an enemy you don't even hate? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Everybody in our odd little community would deny it, but we all watch each other when we cross paths, looking for weaknesses, in case that day ever comes. In case they ever have to stop me...or I ever have to stop them. But we never talk about it. Ever. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ... Even a loner like Spider-Man has heard tales of the Vision! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're the creep who's going to pay! I'm going to get you, Goblin! I'm going to destroy you slowly, and when you start begging for me to end it - I'm going to remind you of one thing - You KILLED the woman I love! And for that you're going to DIE! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're talking about my lady, creep! Someone I love--I mean loved--! Do you know what that means? Have you any idea what that means?? I loved her, Goblin! And you--! You--took--her--away! Filthy--worm-eating--scum! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey Meatballs -- Yer sister plays the tuba! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sorry MJ... Guess my mind was on other things. Just had a talk with someone... and it made me suddenly realize... hey, I'm not really alone, after all. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I suppose I should do something to help him, but I doubt if anything could survive that fall. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can't get over that feeling of menace... as though something pretty bad was about to happen -- to none other than your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can do this. It's not impossible. Not for me. I have great power, resources, and resolve. And I will make this work. Not for Uncle Ben, Captain Stacy, Gwen, Marla, or any of the others I failed in the past. This is for you, for all of the living, for everyone out there! I'm going to make you all proud. You'll see. I promise. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Be right back. Gotta hit the little Peter room. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Save it for the papers, Jonah. Save it for tomorrow. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's too late to go back to work with the Torch...and it's too early to go home. Guess all that's left is some web-slinging. Maybe that will cheer me up. Seems like everytime I finish a fight, I'm all alone again--which makes me think of Gwendy--and brother...that makes me want to die! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png He -- he dropped me! I never realized -- never thought --! I'm too high up to snag a building with my web -- there's no way for me to catch myself! Looks like this time -- I've had it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png He-he dropped me! I never realized--never thought--! I'm too high to snag a building with my web--there's no way for me to catch myself! Looks like this time--I've had it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Head's up, Stegron-- Spidey's coming through! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Forget it, Robbie. It's not important. I've got enough to be happy about. 'Cause you see, I'm beginning to realize -- next to some people's problems -- my life is charmed -- a regular picnic if you know what I mean. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Are you Heckle or Jeckle? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png No! It can't be! Gwen is dead! That can't be her! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Gwen? You're -- ALIVE -- ? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sometimes I wonder: Am I Spider-Man because I want to help people -- or because I want to hurt them? These days I seem to do more hurting than helping. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Okay, hero-man... let's see you get out of this! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ... They don't call me Spider-Man for nothing! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png PROFESSOR WARREN! THE JACKAL IS -- PROFESSOR WARREN! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Von Shtupf, I take it back. You're not sick. You're just crazy. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ta-Taa! No applause folks -- Just throw money! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I-I Don't know who I am...! Spider-Man... or some laboratory-bred duplicate the professor created to battle him! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm nothing like the Torch! I'm prettier! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I mean I've heard of people wanting their name up in lights and all--
--But THIS is downright RIDICULOUS!
Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Webhead, I've got the feeling this just isn't gonna be your night! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So, as someone once said, --- Up --- Up --- and AWAY! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Great! We're caught in the middle of a Super-Villain sandwich... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh mercy me, Mister Bad Man! Is that a thweat? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Bein' a Super-Hero's no bed of roses... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Agony, Mrs. Pym? I believe I know all about it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Welcome to the hero business, Fly -- and good luck! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hi-ya Cappy. How's it hangin'? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Family, eh? Well, face it, tiger, you just hit the jackpot! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're a mess. You're in trouble and on a suicide mission. And I'm here to tell you... you're done. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So you have a choice: you want to save lives? Or "uphold the law"? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, where's your silly suit,Scorpia? "Silly suit Scorpia." Try saying that five times, fast. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Whatsamatta, Elmer? No more bu-wetts? Duck season! Wabbit season! Th-th-that's all, folks! "Oh, 'dem dukes, 'dem dukes!" Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This slasherday thing's getting everyone nervous. I want Razorfist put away fast. Maybe then I'll believe you can teach your symbiote some manners. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png New to New York, Moonstone? I can`t say I`ve ever heard of you! But then, I don`t get much time to read the "Wanted" ads... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png C'mon! You're not really gonna try to stop me by waving a cape! This isn't a bullfight -- and you can't sidestep a guy with spider-speed! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Doc, one time I was in a jam, and a total stranger gave me his last five bucks. I figure that is particular five spot's been handed from stranger to stranger since money was invented. Each guy that gets it, when he's down and out, is obligated to pass it on to somebody else once he's on his feet again. So, I'm just passing it on, Doc. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Y'know, Vermin -- there's something in your eyes, in your voice -- something that reminds me of everything rotten, vile and stinking inside us -- all the inner monsters men hide from themselves! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You've shown that now you're willing to sacrifice anyone --anything-- to save yourself! And I don't owe you anything anymore! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png "Like I always say, 'With great power comes great indebtedness.'" Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can't believe all that's happened in the last twenty-four hours! Mary Jane announced that she's always known that I'm Spider-Man! I have an argument with Black Cat, and a real doozie of a nightmare! Not only do I learn that my costume's alive, but I'm also the butt of one of the Human Torch's sick pranks! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The amulet! His power resides in the amulet around his neck -- get it off him and he's beaten! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png He...He used to be the Herald of Galactus! Galactus for Pete's sake! He could have killed me! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Someday, you'll make a mistake. And I'll be waiting! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, everybody! LOOK! I'm SPIDER-MAN! Your friendly neighbor, Peter Parker, is SPIDER-MAN! Ya know, Parker...if everyone else in the building wasn't out having a good time, you might be getting yourself in real trouble right now! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Good. Nothing's damaged... except my pride. Char-broiled by a kid. Maybe I'll prove how tough I am by slaughtering a troop of campfire girls. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Blast it Mary Jane, this can't wait! All I need is a yes or no: will you marry me? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But I can't let my fear stop me. God, please don't let it stop me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png TWO WEEKS!! In the ground! In the grave! Dead! TWO WEEKS!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I really should re-design my web-shooters so this won't happen again! Either that--or sew a change pocket into my costume so I can carry bus fare! No, with a costume this tight--people might think I had cellulite! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just drop me off at the World Trade Center. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What the heck is this, a Rambo convention? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Okay, the unexpected I can deal with... as long as I'm expecting it, that is... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Before I go -- a little helpful hint -- breathe through your nose. 'Cause those webs can taste pretty hideous! Heh-heh. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm through being Spider-Man, Doc! I want you to use your machine to remove my powers! Completely! Forever! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The Doc's transformation -- I've never seen his blood-lust so consuming. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Talk to me, lady. Tell me -- all your plans. Isn't that what you -- bad guys live for? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Why puny men try to hurt spider? Men Stupid! Spider can't be hurt! Spider strong! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Playing super hero isn't a game. It's fate. We choose to do good. Choose to do bad. We had a choice. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The next few days are going to be rough. I've still got a concussion to heal! And Mary Jane's going to be upset for quite a while! It'll take time, and talk, and affection. But I know we can work it out. After all -- I'm getting pretty good at reconciling things! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Loki created that monster! And if destruction is what Loki wanted -- destruction is what we're gonna get! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That guard! Crane's about to roll over his fingers! But I don't have time to save him and Cardiac! What'll I Do?!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This thing is strong. I need some time to figure out what it is and how to handle it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sorry, M.J. and thanks. It's just that, it was bad enough when I found out years ago that my parents were government couriers, that they died on a spy mission against the Red Skull! But when they showed up yesterday alive, saying they'd been in Russian prison camps for the last 20 years -- ! Well, I guess I'm more messed up than I thought. I want to love these people, but how can I even believe them? If only I could find the Skull, have him confirm or deny their story... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Speedball notwithstanding, there's hope for the next generation yet. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I've seen you kill people. Okay, maybe they weren't the nicest people -- but your career is over! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, if you're going to go against the BIG BOYS, you're going to have to have a tad more staying power. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ahhh, what a delightful aroma! Chanel No. 5 and Oregano! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I thought hassles about guys with long hair went out with the 60's! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png "Whatever problems I have... they're overshadowed by the good things I've got. Mary Jane, Aunt May, a passel of friends... And a bunch of clobbered super-villains at my feet. It could be a lot worse Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Blond guy? Hammer?! Oh, maaa-aan! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png All I'd have to do is stop holding back. With my spider-strength, it would be as simple as snapping a twig... Who am I kidding? I'm a hero. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can't deal with Parker's life. Parker's world as it is today. But here... I can at least remember his yesterdays. As hard as it was for me, growing up without parents-- there were a lot of wonderful times in this house with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. I was loved here. Protected. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That hurt. A lot. But whatever doesn't kill me... still hurts. A lot. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, Sandy, is that your face or are you wearing a beach? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sweet dream, JJJ. You've given me some of the worst years of my life. I'm gonna miss you... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That's what I like about you, Torch -- you're so gracious! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Alligators in the sewers, Lizzie? Isn't that a little...cliché? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Reilly and I are supposedly the same person-- --but he has a quicker temper than me! He's headstrong, reacts without thinking sometimes! Must have been all those years on the road! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What... what happened? He knew... ...and I knew... ...and he couldn't... ...he just couldn't stand the thought of... ...the thought of... No. I can't tell you, Ben. That's just one question that's going to have to go unanswered. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You may be gorgeous and smart and sophisticated and sneaky-- --but this "little boy" can still keep you tangled up here long enough-- --for someone to hear the fuss and call the cops-- --and then you're caught just as surely as if I was some big, brawny, respectable hunk! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm not kidding, Bluebird! This isn't a game -- it's deadly serious! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That's okay, too, Betty. Take your time. After all-- --what's a relationship without a little mystery? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, Torch, you're right. Everything you said is true. It's just... it's just going to take me a long time to believe it, that's all... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Onslaught. He meant to enslave us. He destroyed our city... murdered our heroes... ...he took away so much... I... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You know, I wonder if that was the Scorcher's problem -- he was so ready to see the bad in life, he couldn't believe in anything good. So he acted like somebody's lies about him were true -- and if you do that, it doesn't much matter whether they were lies or not-- --'cause they're sure true now. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You know -- I think there's another reason they call you the Terrier, Gord! It's because you're nothing more than a dog to them-- --an animal, to be sicced on thier enemies-- --and if you screw up, they'll just cut you loose, because you don't know anything that can harm them! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I-it's... It's... ...Mary Jane, the baby... they're... ...they're in trouble!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Here I am, out to dinner with one of the most glamorous gals in the world, and what's she doing? Talking about other guys. Face it, Parker, it's the story of your-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Y'know-- --it's okay to call for backup! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Say, Headsy -- have you ever stopped to think that maybe I can dodge forever? That maybe the reason nobody's killed me yet is that it's not as easy as you think-- --and that maybe you're just not good enough?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png "Over?" I doubt it, Glory. Calypso's on the prowl again -- but I still have no clue what her agenda is. And that scares me... ...to death. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...I... ...yeah... ...yeah, I do... He... ...his name was Ben... ...he was my brother... ...and I miss him, David... ...but I go on. We have to go on... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Spider-Man is back-- and I'm here to stay! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Comic books! But I've never seen titles like these on the local newsstand -- Marvel Mystery, All Winners, Young Allies, Captain America and the Sub-Mariner! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just thinking that it's really strange sometimes, the way things work out..! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Actually -- it's -- Spider-Man. But why be so formal..? I'll call you Akasha and you can call me -- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hoo! Well, I guess we can all agree that she's now offically 'spooked...' which means that I don't have to worry about being so sneaky... now we can do things... Spidey style! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ah, well -- assuming I do find a way to solve my financial problems, then there's one thing I know about college. If today was any indication-- --it's sure not gonna be dull! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So we won't get out alive, huh? Where do you get your dialogue, bird-brain? From DC comics? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Sandman......you're absolutely right. I did treat you like an idiot. I'm sorry. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It's not my Spider-Sense. It's something else... ...but what?! All I do know is that if I don't thwip up there and check it out now... ...I'm gonna be wonderin' what it was for a loooong time! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png --'sheesh! Dig the decor! Looks like I made it in time for Neil Diamond! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Y'know, Doc-- --there are some things even a master of the mystic arts isn't meant to know..! But thanks for that... ...thanks a lot. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png N-nice save, Subby! I give it a ten for dramatic value-- --but I'm subtracting points for your lousy sense of timing! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And the funny thing is, Aunt Anna -- the entire time I was looking for it, it was right under my nose! Merry Christmas, everyone! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ah... Let's just say that I don't think you'll have to worry about Spider-Man from now on! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png There you are, you handsome devil! Now put the nice motorcycle down; you could poke your eye out with that thing! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Whaddaya mean?! MJ, Norman Osborn wants to hire the Hornet... Me!... To throw down with Spider-Man... also me!... Because he despises Peter Parker... ...who, for those of you who came in late, is, once again... me! This is like... the best! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The Super Hero Union only requires me to deliver one last-minute rescue per customer! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Man, what a dope I've been...! These last few days all I've worried about is whether Hope learned my secret or not... ...worrying about my problems, getting suspicious, convincing myself that she knew... ...seeing an accusatory look in her eyes whenever we were together... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...now all I have to do is hope that Hope doesn't put two-and-two together and suspect that the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man who helped her-- --is also her friendly neighbor from next door, Peter Parker! Nah! Now I'm just gettin' paranoid...! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I have to go make the world safe for truth and justice and like that. Hope I didn't infringe on any copyrights with that line! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If the Technomancers have it, then that's bad news to begin with -- But if Osborn wants it, then that's enough to convince me that he just shouldn't have it! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And I wish I could tell you that time heals. Unfortunately, I can't... ...but you do learn how to live with the pain. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...this new Spider-Man, whoever it is, seems to have things pretty much under control. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Getting caught in a battle between two god-like beings is not how I planned on spending my day, but... ...I guess it never is! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Honestly...not all it's cracked up to be. I mean...I'm glad MJ is having so much fun and all, and the money's great...I think...but I just didn't expect her to be out of town so much. I see her between flights and...well, it's not what I expected from our marriage. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm not sure, Aunt May, but... it's... a weird feeling... I don't know how to describe it... Like the world is a bit off center. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Who is this?! Brock? Is that you, Venom? Threatening me again? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png A grown man who puts on spandex and swings from rooftops in order to fight crime! Maybe I'm as insane as they are. But I guess it could always be worse. I'm lucky to have survived. Lucky to not be insane. Still, I can't help but think... ...how much luckier I'd be if I'd never become Spider-Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Thanks for the god lesson. I'll be leaving now! Good luck subjugating the will of all humanity. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png --Oh, come on! Today! Everything has to happen today?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That's what I love about this city. Every time I need to hit someone really, really hard, some jerk steps up and volunteers. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Take a number, pal! You know how many times I've heard that? How many times I've had enemies try to kill me...or someone around me? You have any idea how tired I get of hearing it? Of having to deal with it? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You know that good old mindless super-hero versus world dominating villain kind of thing. Lots of punches, puns, blasts and web... ...bing?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The way he's looking at me. He's got to know. And he's holding it against me... Not buying any of the photos... ...what am I going to do now? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The way he's looking at me. He's got to know. And he's holding it against me... Not buying any of the photos... ...what am I going to do now? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png -- nah! Been there... done that! Being Spider-Man is kinda cool! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Fine! Everything that can go wrong does go wrong... ...fine! Children in trouble. drug busts...the Sandman! Fine! Fine! Fine! I'll handle it all! I'll save the day! I'll beat the bad guy! And I will get to my blasted job interview! Because... ...I'm going to have a life! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Wonderful! What am I going to do? What more can happen to me? Of course. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My back-pack?! Where --? My costume and web shooters! They're... ...gone! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hehh... I guess it's easy to laugh in the face of danger when you don't take anything too seriously. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So, uh... This friend of mine, he's a mime, an' they just send him to jail... ...it was a wheat field outside of buffalo with a big sign saying, "Pretend you are in prison!" Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Remember me... Spider-Man... misunderstood hero. That's Hero... capital of H... also one of the good guys! And I do not kill people! Ever! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Typeface, huh? So, what does the "R" stand for? "Raving"? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Okay, Arthur, big ugly monster guys and saving the world are my bailiwick. Did I fit bailiwick into a conversation? Cool! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png C'mon, Typeface... Uhh... You really want murder and arson on your rap sheet? You don't strike me as the type. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Lady, you can call me whatever you want. Just don't hit me with that laser blade again, okay? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I've been thinking of changing my name to something a little more millennial. Yeah... That's it... Millennial Man. He fights with the power of a million years. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh, sure... I can just picture it now: "Welcome to respectability, spidey. You owe us five squillion dollars in super hero back-taxes." Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Tell you what: we're going to give this poor kitty a break. His life's been screwed with more than enough. We're going to let him live a little... hang out with his cat friends... get a girlfriend... live in peace. ...hopefully some place far, far away. Shoo! Go on... get! Make some friends... ...and let me get back to mine! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, I do. Funny thing is, I feel like she's still here, you know? I realize it's just because I want her to be. All my friends keep telling me it's time to let go. But I don't want to. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I already met that someone, Jill. And she was taken away from me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I couldn't do it, Mendel. I mean, I beat myself up over this like you wouldn't believe. I must've thought about it a thousand different ways... ...but it's just not me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I... I knew... I knew. I knew you were alive! Who did this? Why? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oh, god... ->snff<- I thought... I thought you were gone, Mary Jane. Are you real? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png "Fusion," eh? You look more like a "Larry" to me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Who am I? My name's Peter Parker. I'm the new science teacher. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Uhh...I know you better than you think, pal. You fit the mold perfectly: all your anger's driven by a series of convenient excuses -- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...that there's a fine line between hero and psycho, I guess. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I may be quick -- I mean, you're looking at the dude who left Billy Pinder in the dust during a second grade sack race! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hello, God... This is Peter Parker. Can I ask a favor? I know I've been your personal cat toy for the last few years...but can we not do that to me again for a while? Not real long, I know the odds on that are about zero...but just for a little while. Say...fifty or sixty years? I mean, that's not long in your terms, right? Just kidding, God... Just kidding. But I'll bet you knew that, didn't you? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Only madmen could contain the thought, execute the act, fly the planes. The sane world will always be vulnerable to madmen, because we cannot go where they go to conceive of such things. We could not see it coming. We could not be here before it happened. We could not stop it. But we are here now. You cannot see us for the dust, but we are here. You cannot hear us for the cries, but we are here. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If there's any way I can help, just... let me know. No strings. Honest and true. Deal? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But I got plans to meet a special lady at the airport tonight, and nobody's getting in my way. Especially-- --not-- you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I don't need any promises, MJ. I'll wait for you as long as you need. Or until the stars turn cold and fall from the sky. Whichever comes first. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Because you have to know-- --that it's not true. And I'm going to take care of it. One way or another. But it's not true, MJ. I swear it. I swear it. I-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Could I have another one of those, if you've got a spare, because that was good, the whole lips thing, and the face touching, because I could do that all night until I go on patrol and -- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Anybody ever tell you that you fight like a girl? I'm just asking in case there's anything you want to tell the group. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Everybody in our odd little community would deny it, but we all watch each other when we cross paths, looking for weaknesses, in case that day ever comes. In case they ever have to stop me...or I ever have to stop them. But we never talk about it. Ever. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Tell somebody you love them, or hit them, and you can't foresee all the possible consequences. You do "A" because it's a good thing. But "A" has consequence "B" which is a bad thing for somebody else. Sometimes I focus so much on what I'm doing right now to fix something, that I forget even bad guys have families. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What is it? Am I talking too much about the "Other Me", or maybe I didn't ask you how your day went, and I know how I can get caught up on one topic and talk for a long time without stopping in these really long run-on sentences and-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Your word as a career criminal? That supposed to make me special? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Pardon me for interrupting, but do you people always run a background check on your new teachers? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That's what I love about you, birdbrain: you think you're really nifty-- --but you're really just the bottom of the cage! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ooh. I love it when you talk fancy. Hey, I got one: "Cease and desist, you certifiable cephalopod!" Maybe you should've called yourself Doc Lobster. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Wait... "Crappy super-villain": Isn't that an oxymoron? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're right: I can't. Not even to a stain on humanity like you. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Burn Crisqó's old sheets. The celebrity beach house just got a new guest. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Heh. Well, I guess in the end, life's a beach! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png No, wait... I can see what you're trying to do. But I'm not biting, Norm. You're not worth it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I won't have to kill you in return. I won't even have to send you in jail. Just being you -- that's life without parole. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And all I can think is, there's no way she could've gotten that far ahead. It's not physically possible. Not unless she's a mutant. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png A million question and no one to answer them... very tantric. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Short answer, Shocker: you're selfish, I'm not. Or at least I try not to be. Now grow up. My organs feel numb and I'm going home. That's what us heroes get to do. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This is obnoxious. Even for me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Do you realize how many crimes I could have stopped while I was jerking around, putting on a show for you guys?! Putting on a show for money! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Maybe this whole beach is a Sandman factory, churning out idealized versions of yourself. Maybe-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm not perfect, Flash. I've... done things. I've been selfish. People have died because of me. But I accept that, and I own it. And maybe in all this mess I'm able to stay strong... Because I know I'm weak. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'd take fifth home. I've been patrolling it pretty hard the last couple of nights. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And... And I guess he was right after all... someone is killing the Brooklyn Avengers. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My life gets pretty crazy sometimes. And... and sometimes I don't remember to thank the people who mean a lot to me. But this week reminded me that friends from the past are important. And also that good things can come...even out of tragedy. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Look he said Ant-Man -- the younger one, not the good one -- is trying to impress his daughter. I think that's worth a little bit of our time. Don't shake your head. Imagine falling so far down the ladder of relevance you land in Florida. On paper that sounds like a loser. You can't blame the guy for feeling that way. Why are you still shaking your head? Oh cool. The absolute worst reason. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png --so I was thinking...since you have the abilities of giant vampire bat, why not just take the name of Batm-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, Flash-Man. Always so cool. This guy? He knew a waltz from a cha-cha. Who am I kidding? You were a bully. My bully. When I think of all the lockers you shoved me into... but here's the thing... bullies don't come out of nowhere. Someone always hurt them first. Didn't find that out about you, Flash, until years later. Then one day, everything changed. You told me you found a hero to look up to. And you started a life of service. Helped your fellow man. Saved so many lives. Protecting others in ways people will never know. You became a man we're all so proud of. And me? I've found myself to be a bit of bully now and then. Making fun of others. Rattling their cages. Telling myself they deserve it. I want you to know that I want to change. Because of you, Eugene "Flash" Thompson. I hope you can be proud of me. I know you're my friend, but there's something I never told you. I'm your number one fan. You're the hero I look up to. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just skip to the part that helps me understand. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Is anyone else having a dream they're in a geodesic dome made out of some dude's arm after getting beat to a pulp by some creature snapping its many, many fingers? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey! You kids! I can hear yer party from the next block! Wit' yer beat or beat-like combos and yer glow-sticks! An' yer skinny ties! I work nights ovah heah! I gotta goldfish wit' an anxiety problem! Turn it down! Wait, wait, wait--wrong rant. What I meant to say was--break it up, okay? Please? 'Cause, I mean... okay, I came in a little late, but... We're not this. The Avengers are not this. Our job is not to bring walking tanks to do our talking for us. Or thunder gods, or big hair, or--or whatever else. It's not to wade in with overwhelming force to protect our authority when we're in the wrong. And right now you are in the wrong, Tony--Sam. And you know it. So... So back off, guys. Or you can come through me. Because I am an Avenger. And that... That is what we are. But, uh... Obviously I'm hoping you don't come through me... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What?! Oh, this?! It's how I do my best work! In the buff! Say! Isn't this a private lab?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Unbelievable. Flash Thompson thinks I'm being a bully. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I mean... gods, Eddie? When did you start fighting gods? And Carnage? You come to me with gods and Carnage but with, like... god powers? What happened to... evil businessmen and digging robots and sewer dinosaurs and fun stuff like-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If anything, the Punisher and I are more committed than ever to our opposing philosophies......and a final confrontation is inevitable. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Uhh...jeez... I feel like I'm in high school again. Are you flirting with me? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Is it just me, or do you have a fascination with death? And should I be worried about this? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I don't think it's Eddie Brock at all. I think it's the suit. It's looking for a new host. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can't help wondering, what have I done? Did I just solve a problem, or create one? Did I just save Eddie Brock's life? Or did I just send him to hell? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Ahem. Like I was saying, I got two pairs. Two nines... ...an' two more nines. That makes four. Read 'em an' weep, fatso. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah...that's me: I'm the cleaning lady. Always got some kind of solution. But it never really gets out the stain. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What am I doing? I've never lied to MJ before. Come on. Parker, that's another lie. You've lied plenty. But that was a different time. A different time. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hey, here's a question for you: if frogs' legs taste like chicken, why not just eat chicken and leave the frogs out of it? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And how she liked me -- they all liked me -- even though they knew I was Spider-Man. And about how that felt, knowing I belonged somehow. And how I didn't want to admit that I liked it. A lot. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Why didn't I see it before?! Doc's ice pellet! It's the same tech I created for my cryo cube! And the armor he's using... It's based on my helmet design! His stealth satellites... are using the same principle as my noice reduction system! All my inventions for Horizon, everything I've put out into the world--Doc's modified it! Twisted it! I've given him everything he needs! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png C'mon! The world's counting on you! Everyone you know and love! What about Sable?! Are you going to let her sacrifice be for nothing?! Forget the math, Parker! Forget what's possible! DO THIS! NOW! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This is a hunt. I'm not here to fight you--- I'm here to end you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Miles Morales. Miles Morales. I wonder if we have a Miles Morales? Oh my God. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png One scientific mishap, and hours later I'm sewing a costume. Déjà diddly vu. Okay, world, better hang on to your hat... Here comes Alpha! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hate it whenever they say 'Plan B'. That's super villain code for 'blow everything up'. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We realllllllly have to stop meeting like this, officer Cooper. People will talk-- Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That was me, Otto. You can't hear me, can you? You don't even known I'm here. Doesn't matter. You don't get to kill. I won't let you. I don't know how, but I am still in the fight! I am Peter Parker. And I swear I'll find a way back! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That was me, Otto. You can't hear me, can you? You don't even known I'm here. Doesn't matter. You don't get to kill. I won't let you. I don't know how, but I am still in the fight! I am Peter Parker. And I swear I'll find a way back! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Figures. Fuzzball gets the hot cat-lady, and I get locked in the bathroom. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png One scientific mishap, and hours later I'm sewing a costume. Déjà diddly vu. Okay world, better hang on to your hat... here comes Alpha! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That's weird. The master plan was to drop me in the ocean to drown? Not likely. These guys never work like this together. So who's rallying the troops? To be this organized? They need a boss. A general. A Kingpin. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Each night has the same pattern. It begins with the hope that people won't need me. And each night ends the same way... Knowing there isn't enough time... That there's always more to do... That even Spider-Man can run out of strength. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I beg to differ, matchstick-- --but I'm not exactly sweatin' this one. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But sometimes fighting fire with fire isn't the answer... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm Peter Parker! I'm back! And this is just the beginning! Because I swear to you... I will be-- FREE! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Once the fighting began, instinct just took over. Carnage flowing through your blood...like venom. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My name is Peter Parker. The real Peter Parker, that is. For a while I had been locked in this brain that Ock and I both shared. Call my role in all of this what you will: a participant in his life, an observer to his memories, but watching this particular story unfold has given me new perspective on Ock's actions. And while I don't condone the things he's done, I can at least understand them a bit more. To his credit, it was Otto's scientific findings that helped create the Goblin cure, so in a way he did win his battle with Norman. Because not only did he kill the Green Goblin as we know him, but he did it through science. The irony being that what finally enabled this scientific mastermind to become a Superior person, was when he stopped thinking with his head... and started thinking with his heart. As for me, I'm just happy to be back. A lot has changed in my life, and a lot of consequences need to be faced. But for the time being it feels good to look in the mirror and know that behind those Baby Browns is... The Amazing Spider-Man. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And then I think I got it. As long as you have that one thing in place... the rest will take care of itself. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What do I do now? I've let you down, Uncle Ben. And now Aunt May too. Before, she was afraid I was a drug dealer. Now, if she knew the truth, she'd be even more upset. That's it. I'm through being Spider-Man! I'm done! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png That-- that was one of the Watcher's eyes?! But the Watcher's seen... everything. Ahh! Millions of secrets! Things that were kept from me! Filling my head all at once! The spider! After it bit me-- --it bit someone else?! A girl? I--never knew! Who is she? Ezekiel?! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I didn't know where else to go... Clash is my responsibility. I inspired him. Helped make him. Spurred him on. And I couldn't stop him. I can't stop him. And on top of that, I've let everyone down. I've let you down. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Hope you were watching, Uncle Ben. 'Cause I did that for you. Kept everyone safe. Kept them from being scared. And I made it fun. It doesn't matter that most of 'em wouldn't have lifted a finger for Peter Parker. That's not why you do it. You do it 'cause it's the right thing to do. Because it's what you would've done. You were more than a father to me, Ben Parker. More than a role model... You were my hero. Now it's my turn. Because from now on, I'm going to be yours! You'll see. I'm going to give it my all! We'll have fun! I'll never quit -- and it's going to be Amazing! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just try not to blow up the whole neighborhood, okay? My favorite Indian take-out is around here somewhere. What? You don't like tandoori? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, after all those years on my own, I could get used to this Avengers thing. I could definitely get used to this. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png With my spider-strength, speed, and agility nothing could've stopped me from landing any sports scholarship-- or getting on any professional team I wanted. Nothing except a sense of responsibility. And a tiny bit of pride. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Oy. With the guilt. Fine! Wanna be in the Fantastic Four, Spidey? Sure. What? Oh. We're the Future Foundation now. Bait n' switch if you ask me. Razzin' frazzin'... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I think this is my super villain origin. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I don't even know how long I've been going. Fifteen, sixteen hours? Carlie is alright, thank God. I found her in her apartment with a knife, scared that every killer she ever helped put away was coming to get her. No one's heard from May, but everything's down now. She could be anywhere... But the one place she probably is, I can't seem to get to. Because no matter how I scared I am for her... ...I can't let people die. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Logan, I swear to God...I think I'm going to kill them. Magneto. His stupid daughter. I'm gonna kill them with my bare hands. I'm not -- I'm not going to be able to stop myself. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I can feel it, gnawing at me. The fear. It's so raw, so real... I see them all, everyone I care about, everyone I love. Carlie... dead. Mary Jane, dead because of me. Aunt May, dead. Because I wasn't good enough. I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't smart enough, and she's dead because of me. My fault. My responsibility. And I failed them. I failed them all. Please, God, somebody make it stop. The fear is so strong it's like I'm on fire. So powerful I can feel it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png There is no hope. I can barely stand. I can't feel my right arm. There's blood in my eyes, my ears. He's stronger than me. I can't even hurt him. There is no hope... but luckily... I'm too big of an idiot to accept it. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png C'mon! The world's counting on you! Everyone you know and love! What about Sable?! Are you going to let her sacrifice be for nothing?! Forget the math, Parker! Forget what's possible! DO THIS! NOW! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png This is a hunt. I'm not here to fight you--- I'm here to end you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png How did--? This... You... What are you? A ghost? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png My name is Peter Parker, and I've been Spider-Man since I was fifteen years old. Any questions? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png It would be simpler, and more legal, if guys like me registered. If we were regulated, like the AMA or any of those other initial-groups. The problem is that after registration always comes regulation. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What the Bleep is WRONG with you? I almost had Doctor Doom until I tripped over you and this stupid [Bleep] camera! Now stop [Bleep] following me! If I see you again, I'll [Bleep] you [Bleep] camera up your [Bleep][Bleeeep]! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Jonah only goes after me because he loves this city. He genuinely believes Spider-Man is a menace to society. Always has. Look, I'm not saying you have to like everybody you meet. Or that you can't get mad at people when they screw up. Just that it might be worth a minute to try and see things from the other guy's side. Turns out most people--even the grumpy ones who yell--probably don't deserve blunt force trauma on the head. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png There are some things in my life that you just don't touch if you want to walk away with your spine intact. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Empire State University. Where Spider-Man was born. And, now, where he may die. Oh, the irony. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Why is it that every time I've ever tried to get my life together--it almost always ends up with me being late for school? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png MJ... May... I'll never leave you again. Never. Never. Never. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png But now I think... maybe there's even more to the powers I got that day, and maybe I can use them to help people more than I ever imagined. Tonight, if I hadn't been open to those powers, I might never have reached that girl in time. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If I'm right...and I think I am..all those hits were just a diversion from their real agenda: to smuggle something very dangerous into the country. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well, there's the whole thousands of mutant-controlled energy fields inside a mystery man in a place where millions of mutants died? Sounds bad. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Yeah, listen. I know you must have idiots showing up and doing this all the time, but it really is me, Jarvis. Could you hit the buzzer and let me in? I'm getting soaked out here. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm sorry, Aunt May. Sorry for this stupid hobby that keeps killing people I love. Now you're gonna die just like Uncle Ben and just like Uncle Ben......it's Peter Parker's fault. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Vile?! We're vile? You were about to cut open a baby! Know what, Great Hunters? Spider season is over! It's dirtbag season. Get 'em! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I said, "You're welcome." Sorry, I have laryngitis. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png What have you done now!? What kind of crazy trick is this? And... what? They don't have carburetors in the future, with all the smoke that thing's giving off? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Don't worry. I've been in tons of situations like this. Just trust me. You do trust me, right? Guys, it's okay to talk if I ask you a-- aw, crap. Guys? Guys? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Huh. Maybe I should've dressed up like a bat instead of a spider. Strike fear into my enemies... Nah. Dumb idea. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png No contest, Otto. A real hero wouldn't have threatened Anya's life. Or risked the fate of the universe to save his own skin. The greatest heroes put others in front of themselves. One day you will understand that. On the day you sacrifice everything. The day you give up that body. The day you finally accept that I am the Superior Spider-Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png If the cost of silence is the soul of the country...If the cost of tacit support is that we lose the very things that make this nation the greatest in human history, then the price is too high. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Avengers Assemble! What? It's a better battle cry than "Geronimo!" Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Seriously, what is it with New York? Would it kill you to invade Denver once? But no. You've always got to destroy Central Park or eat the Statue of Liberty... Bad guys are such tourists. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We're not just our failures. As much as they hurt, we learn from them. Then we go out there and do our best to make up for them-- Even though we never will. We save people. We save as many as we can to make up for the ones we couldn't. That's all we do. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Choices matter. Fate is fragile. I know because I'm not just a physicist. I'm your typical Friendly Neighborhood Web-Spinner. And I have a very bad feeling Yuri Watanabe just made a very bad choice. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png To me, my X-Men! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Jeez. Mooney. Rhymes with loony. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And maybe you want to think about what you would call weakness-- and others, compassion-- isn't always such a bad thing. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I trusted you, Yuri. I trusted you! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I've made you and MJ targets. Taken away what little semblance of a normal life we had. God, if the Chameleon had hurt you or... ...or worse... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We're the NEW New Avengers. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png ...I don't know. It just keeps going off. Like a constant ringing beneath my neocortex, you know? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Somewhere, there's a one-liner about me "crashing this little party." Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Richards was wrong; you're not a symptom, you're-- --you're insane!! You're-- nothing!!! A cold-blooded nothing that shouldn't even be breathing. Reality check, Stregon. It's not mammals or reptiles that rule the world--It's spiders!!! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And now with all that's happened... The police, the army, everybody's after me... What was the point? What was--? Dammit. >sigh< Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The Yuri Watanabe I knew was a passionate cop and reluctant vigilante. This woman--I'm not sure who she is. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Because everyone's picking sides, everyone's being recruited, but... that's not your style, I know. You're your own woman. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Whether a law is right or wrong, moral or immoral, is an idea, a personal philosophy... but it always seems that fights over ideas skip over the barrier into the real world and become battles of real violence. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The world turns, people turn, everything turns. And it never turns. What can you say? It's the circle of life. But it isn't really a circle. Not really. It's a Spiral. The thing about spirals? So go up. Some go down. And some just go 'round and 'round. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I will find them. And when I do--I'm going to kill them. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Look, Marko... I dunno if I'm going to be that much help to you anyway. I'm not a detective. All I know is this: There have been two Uncle Bens in my life. One showed up out of nowhere some months back, and then vanished. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You're from the future. His future. It was the only way you could know that the other Spider-Man was from 2211. And since there's been a future Spider-Man... and future Hobgoblin... Why not a future Chameleon? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Thank God. I wasn't sure Mr. Fantastic would help me since I'm not part of his so-called "Initiative"... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Peter Parker, masquerading as your friendly neighborhood gym teacher. But that Arrow woman was right. I can't just abandon the kids. Not until I'm sure that I've thrown enough of a scare into the underworld... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Seriously, guys, we're here to locate an extradimensional creature named Gog. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png We're not here to build a fortune. We're here to build the future. We live in a time where heroes save the world every day. But what are they saving it for? My greatest hero was my Uncle Ben. He saved so many people's worlds, you wouldn't believe it. Helping a neighboor with their mortage. Another with his groceries. He barely had anything, but he did so much with what he had. Running a global company like this is the most power I'll ever have. And in his name, I'm gong to do it responsibily. Create jobs. Equal employment. Green technologies. A chance for all of us to work together... not to save a world, but to make a world worth saving. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Just hate him... hate him. It's easy. You've been doing it for years. Just... I need so much therapy. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Spent most of my life paycheck to paycheck. Always late with the rent. Now look at me. Name on the building. Forty-seven buildings actually. And gotta say, loving the view. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png End of the road, Fisk. You. Me. RIGHT NOW. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png The way Peter tells it, May, you're not his aunt. You raised him. You're his mom. And I know if he had to... he'd stop the world for you. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Has Silk gone bad? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png All of Parker Industries' greatest discoveries have come from helping Spidey out. That is how we work here. We help him save the world, then we repurpose that tech to make that world a better place. You'll see. It's all for the best. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png All right. That was actually a pretty smart -- though completely evil -- move. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I've done something far worse than kill you, Fisk. I've beaten you. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png And we shall be called... the Fellowship of the Ring. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I mean "Gun-Toting-Maniac-With-A-Skull-On-His-Chest" crazy. I mean, REALLY. You and the Punisher would really get along. Well, probably not... Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Listen to Bushnick's editorial! "It's high time that the publisher of the Daily Bugle learns this valuable lesson...That the fourth estate wields great work, and with it, there must also come great responsibility." Couldn't have said it better myself. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png So long, Santies. The next time you need help... ask somebody else. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I'm sorry... ...but this whole adventure was ridiculous! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You know exactly who he is -- he's Spider-Man. And he just saved everyone's butts so show a little respect. At least more than you show me. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Well -- It was nice knowing all of you. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Henh heh heh-- Hack-ack Oh! Think I just shot some webs outta my nose! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Henh heh heh-- Hack-ack Oh! Think I just shot some webs outta my nose! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Why, if it ain't my pal, the human gasbag! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Do you know how many rank amateur super-villains I've beat the stuffing out of today? You guys are stupider than the real Absorbing Man! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I don't know where you are. Or what you're planning. But I know it's big. And I know if we don't stop you, it'll be our fault. So yeah, I'm ready to lose it all -- if it means taking you down! Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Did I just get rescued by two girls? Awesome. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Which is why I wanted to get you started early. Understanding your powers... and the responsibility that comes with them. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png Roman got so obsessed with his "mission" he let it take over his life. Probably a lesson in there for guys like us. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png You would not believe the day I'm having. Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)
Quote1.png I don't know... super hero movies are getting so gloomy these days. All the heroes want to do is fight each other... shouldn't comic book movies be kid-friendly? Quote2.png
--Peter Parker (Earth-616)

Conversations with Peter Parker (Earth-616)

Invincible Iron Man Vol 3 2 Textless.jpg
Iron Man
My suit has an A.I.
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Cool. My spider glows for no apparent reason. Tell her I said hi.
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Invincible Iron Man Vol 3 2 Textless.jpg
Iron Man
How did you know my A.I. is a woman?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
I know you. And I saw 2001. No computer will ever have a man's voice again. Kubrick made sure of that. And Ultron.
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Invincible Iron Man Vol 3 #8
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
I'm already regretting this. Know how you can tell we're friends, Magoo?
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Matthew Murdock (Earth-616).jpg
Daredevil
How?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Because in order to save your hide, I just teamed up with the Punisher.
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Avenging Spider-Man #6
Stephen Strange (Earth-616) from Invincible Iron Man Vol 3 5 001.jpg
Doctor Strange
Jessica, I'm Doctor Strange. It's good to meet you. We're going to get through this. I was at the birth of the last Avengers' baby.
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Spider-Woman Origin Vol 1 1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Woman
Oh yeah. The Scarlet Witch and the Vision.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
And this has to go better than that did.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Oh my God, that was so much more clever in my head before it came out of my mouth.
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Spider-Woman Origin Vol 1 1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Woman
I don't think it was.
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Stephen Strange (Earth-616) from Invincible Iron Man Vol 3 5 001.jpg
Doctor Strange
How about the rest of you wait in the library?
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The Pulse #12
Harold Osborn (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 545 001.jpg
Harry Osborn
He doesn't spell it out, but reading between the lines, I'd say he's heading for Viet Nam! The army's matured him, Pete...He doesn't sound like the same old wise-guy!
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 546 Textless 2nd Printing.jpg
Peter Parker
It must be a forgery!
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Harold Osborn (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 545 001.jpg
Harry Osborn
You two'll probably end up best friends someday!
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Amazing Spider-Man #63

Chamber
Skin... even if it fails... you're brilliant. Will you... trust me, Spider-Man?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
At this point, I'll try anything--except Karaoke, of course.
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Marvel Team-Up Vol 2 #1
Luke Cage (Earth-616) from Hero for Hire Vol 1 14 0001.jpg
Luke Cage
Avengers... Whup his ass!
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Uh, is that the catchphrase now?
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James Howlett (Earth-616) from Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Vol 4 1 0001.jpg
Wolverine
It is now.
Conversation Tail.png
New Avengers Vol 2 #20
Reed Richards (Earth-616) from Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Master Edition Vol 1 3 0001.jpg
Mr. Fantastic
Hurry! No telling how long the X-Men can hold out!
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Yeah! Where's the rest of the alphabet when you need it?
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Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #9
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
My mother's dead.
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Wade Wilson (Earth-616) from Cable & Deadpool Vol 1 9 0001.jpg
Deadpool
Dead of Embarrassment because her son went to the barber to get his palms shaved after he shot webbing all over her couch.
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Your mother is so ugly that a Skrull tried to copy her during the invasion and died...of ugly.
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Wade Wilson (Earth-616) from Cable & Deadpool Vol 1 9 0001.jpg
Deadpool
Your mother's so stupid she tried to get bailout money so she could afford to pay attention.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Your mother's so stupid she thinks Cheerios are donut seeds.
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Wade Wilson (Earth-616) from Cable & Deadpool Vol 1 9 0001.jpg
Deadpool
Your mother's so fat, Hank Pym had to beat her up in the back of a Quinjet.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
And your mother's so ugly--she made this! (pulls off Deadpool's mask)
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Wade Wilson (Earth-616) from Cable & Deadpool Vol 1 9 0001.jpg
Deadpool
Foul! Foul!!! That was low. Really low. You leave me no choice...but to hit you the mutha of all yo' mutha jokes! Yo' Mamma-Geddon. I busted this one out in the fourth grade. Reduced a gym teacher...a Marine...into a quivering mess of jelly. He never taught again. The second time. In eighth. A girl's pancreas ruptured. She never taught to begin with. And now she can't eat sugar either. I spent the rest of my life refining this crack...Hand-crafting each word...Distilling it into the single most devastating diss ever uttered. I sold it to the Mossad Training Corps...Though I admit, it doesn't work the same in Hebrew. People just bite off their own tongues. But in English. The three people that heard it were so shattered they all died within twenty-four hours...Dehydration from crying. That's a lot of tears, bro.
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Bring it, Wade.
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Wade Wilson (Earth-616) from Cable & Deadpool Vol 1 9 0001.jpg
Deadpool
Your mama--BDEET! BDEET! Ahhhh. That's a wrap. Man, I can't believe I almost hit you with the Yo' Mamma-Geddon.
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Wait, what?!
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man #611
Uncanny X-Men Vol 1 543 Textless.jpg
Juggernaut
Give up. Give up before I lose control. Give up before I kill you.
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Heh. Not a chance. That's the other thing about the Juggy/Spidey brawl. You're unstoppable? Well, guess what? That means I have to be unstoppable too.
Conversation Tail.png
AVX: Vs #2
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 546 Textless 2nd Printing.jpg
Peter
First time we tried it I fell on my face, cried for an hour -- and we never went near it again. I figure I'm ready for another attempt.
Conversation Tail.png

Harry
Okay, I'll give a shot. But I'm warning you -- I totally suck.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 546 Textless 2nd Printing.jpg
Peter
Wow. You're as wretched as I am.
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Harry
Yeah! It's the Tournament of Sucktitude!
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Amazing Spider-Man Family #4
Peter Parker (Earth-616), Otto Octavius (Earth-616) and Mary Jane Watson (Earth-616) from Superior Spider-Man Vol 1 2 0001.jpg
Peter Parker's consciousness
Ohhh What I wouldn't give for some ghost-popcorn right now.
Conversation Tail.png
Thor Odinson (Earth-616) from Uncanny Avengers Vol 1 1 Pichelli Variant cover.jpg
Thor
Whoever thou art, stand down! Or face the wrath of the Mighty Avengers!
Conversation Tail.png
James Howlett (Earth-616) from Avenging Spider-Man Vol 1 16.jpg
Wolverine
What he said. But me? I'm hopin' you put up a fight. 'Cause I'd just love to carve you a new one!
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Superior Spider-Man Vol 1 4 Deodato Variant Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Very well. Do your worst!
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Superior Spider-Man #7
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 3 Second Printing Variant Textless.png
Spider-Man
Hey, waitasec! I know you -- you're Peter Parker!
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Peter Parker (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 3 5 001.jpg
Peter Parker
And you -- you're Spider-Man!
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 #2
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 699 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
All right. We're alone. This what you wanted? You had something you wanted to say to me?
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Peter Parker (Earth-616) as Doctor Octopus from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 700.jpg
Doctor Octopus
Huhhh... P-P-P-P-Peter Parker...
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 699 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Yes. I'm Peter Parker.
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Peter Parker (Earth-616) as Doctor Octopus from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 700.jpg
Doctor Octopus
No... I'm Peter Parker.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 699 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Not anymore, Spider-Man. From now on I am Peter Parker. I have all of your memories. I know everything you knew. I have your life and everything that comes with it. And you are now Otto Octavius. With what little time you have left... ...trapped in that broken body-- brought about by years of your brutal beatings. And like a good magician, I shall not reveal my secrets. You will die, never knowing how I performed my last and greatest trick.
Conversation Tail.png
Peter Parker (Earth-616) as Doctor Octopus from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 700.jpg
Doctor Octopus
Hkk--
Conversation Tail.png
Amazing Spider-Man #698
Matthew Murdock (Earth-616).jpg
Daredevil
What's with you, fella? Don't you ever smile?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
How can you tell I'm not smiling -- under my mask?
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Matthew Murdock (Earth-616).jpg
Daredevil
How do you know I haven't got X-Ray eyes?
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Daredevil #27
Peter Parker (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 3 5 001.jpg
Peter Parker
What happens when you have to suffer something bad because you need to do what's right?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 3 Second Printing Variant Textless.png
Spider-Man
That's not my problem.
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Peter Parker (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 3 5 001.jpg
Peter Parker
"Not my" -- you realize what you're saying? Remember the last time we sounded like that? It was the night Uncle Ben died.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 3 Second Printing Variant Textless.png
Spider-Man
Sorry... who?
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 #4
Avengers Origins Luke Cage Vol 1 1 Textless.jpg
Luke Cage
Spider-Man, Spider-Woman -- You guys related?
Conversation Tail.png
Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 129.1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
No.
Conversation Tail.png
Avengers Origins Luke Cage Vol 1 1 Textless.jpg
Luke Cage
You give her her powers or something?
Conversation Tail.png
Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 129.1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
No. She's totally unrelated to me in any way.
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Avengers Origins Luke Cage Vol 1 1 Textless.jpg
Luke Cage
So she ripped off your name?
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Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 129.1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
Exactly.
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Veranke (Earth-616) 001.jpg
"Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)"
Hey! You said it was okay.
Conversation Tail.png
Web of Spider-Man Vol 1 129.1 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
I didn't say you could lend it out. There's, like, ten of you now.
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Veranke (Earth-616) 001.jpg
"Spider-Woman (Jessica Drew)"
There's three. And they are ripping me off.
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New Avengers #4
Matthew Murdock (Earth-616).jpg
Daredevil
Spider-Man.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 4 1.6 Textless.jpg
Spider-Man
Hornhead. Love the red.
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Spider-Man Daredevil #1

Human Torch
I know they say your best friends won't tell you -- but, geez, Spidey, forget about deodorants -- have you considered Lysol?!
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Spider-Man
Oh, shut up, Torch.
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Untold Tales of Spider-Man Annual #1997
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MJ
I can't say goodbye, Peter... please, please don't make me...
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Peter
...MJ...
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MJ
Don't... I love you... I love you... don't go... please...
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Peter
...goodbye.
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MJ
Nooooo!
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Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #3
Kurt Wagner (Earth-616) from Amazing X-Men Vol 2 3 002.jpg
Nightcrawler
Spider-Man! Lieber gott, don't startle a man like that!
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Spider-Man
Oh, come on, Nightcrawler. The guy with fangs and a devil tail is scared of li'l old me?
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Kurt Wagner (Earth-616) from Amazing X-Men Vol 2 3 002.jpg
Nightcrawler
Perhaps if you hadn't attacked me the first time we met...
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X-Men / Spider-Man #4
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Spider-Man
Where you need to be?
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Mr. Fantastic
The door understands your desires. If you want to, it'll take you not just where you think you should be, but to where you need to be.
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Spider-Man
Can it take you back in time?
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Mr. Fantastic
And erase your sins... Stop yourself from making the horrible mistakes we've all made?
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Spider-Man
Yes.
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Nathaniel Richards
Only one way to find out.
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FF #9
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Peter
Jail's not going to be easy for you. You know they're going to find out sooner or later, don't you?
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Curt
Well...let's just hope they don't find out the hard way.
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The Spectacular Spider-Man Vol 2 #13
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MJ
Oh, Tiger... they're going to put this whole thing on your head. They're going to blame you for screwing up the peace process unless you lay yourself open to every nut in the city. What are we going to do?
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Peter
I'm going to do the only thing I can.
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The Spectacular Spider-Man Vol 2 #8
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MJ
When I left... when I went away.... I was so afraid you didn't need me anymore.
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Peter
I do. I love you, MJ. I need you. I'm nothing without you. Come home. Come home to me.
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Amazing Spider-Man Vol 2 #50
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Doctor Strange
May the Vishanti watch over thee!
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Spider-Man
And may your amulet never tickle!
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Amazing Spider-Man Annual #2
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Invisible Woman
Why don't you two work together and see if you can find any superhumans having some success?
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Human Torch
You really do hate me.
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Spider-Man
You really do hate me.
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Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four #2
Elizabeth Brant (Earth-616) from Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Vol 1 15 001.jpg
Betty Brant
Oh, Peter, nobody could sprain his arm playing volley ball! What really happened?
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Peter Parker
Okay, I'll tell you the truth... It happened in the air, while I was fighting the Vulture for dear life!
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Elizabeth Brant (Earth-616) from Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Vol 1 15 001.jpg
Betty Brant
Oh, well! Ask a silly question
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Peter Parker
So let's stick to the volley ball story! Okay?
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Amazing Spider-Man #7

Johnny Storm
Hold it, fella! I noticed you hanging around! In case you're too shy to ask me, here's my autograph anyway! Don't bother thanking me... I'm just all heart!
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Peter Parker
What am I supposed to do, sleep with it under my pillow??
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Amazing Spider-Man #17

Human Torch
Hey, y'know something? I hate to say it, but we make a pretty good team!
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Spider-Man
Bite your tongue, Hothead!
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Amazing Spider-Man #19
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Green Goblin
After today, you'll never again interfere in any of my plans!
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Spider-Man
Why? Did you decide to go straight?
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Amazing Spider-Man #23
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Spider-Man
I hate to be a spoil-sport, Scorpy, but I've got plans of my own!
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Scorpion
Yeah? Too bad you won't be around long enough to carry 'em out!
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Spider-Man
Don't bet on it, bub! I'm harder to lose than a bill collector!
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Amazing Spider-Man #29
Harold Osborn (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 47 0001.jpg
Harry Osborn
Why won't you admit that I'm the secret love of your life?
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Gwen Stacy
Because it wouldn't be a secret any longer if I did, Harry!
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Peter Parker
Touché, Miss Stacy! Say, has anyone ever told you that you get prettier every day?
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Gwen Stacy
Only my mirror, Mr. Parker! Whoops... Sorry! I've been listening to Mary Jane too long!
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Amazing Spider-Man #47
Wilson Fisk (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 68 0001.jpg
Kingpin
Thanks to your interference, I'll simply resort to... brute force!
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Spider-Man
The brute part of it is okay... but when it comes to force, that's my department, tubby!
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Amazing Spider-Man #68
Gwendoline Stacy (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 72 0001.jpg
Gwen Stacy
Spider-Man is... different! For all his power... his mystery... he's somehow fascinating!
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Peter Parker
Hey! Perhaps I should be jealous!
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Amazing Spider-Man #72
Hobie Brown (Earth-616) from Amazing Spider-Man Vol 1 79 0001.jpg
The Prowler
Didn't expect me to have gas pellets in my boots, huh?
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Spider-Man
Ah ha! The old gas-pellets-in-the-boot trick, eh?
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Amazing Spider-Man #79
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Hulk
Little man leaps around like frog! Why doesn't little man fight-- like Hulk!
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Spider-Man
Are you kidding? Mister, you'd snap me in two!
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Hulk
Then little man is afraid of Hulk!
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Spider-Man
You ever get a good look at yourself, friend?
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Amazing Spider-Man #119
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Spider-Man
Goochi-goo, cuddles. Remember me? I'm the cut-up who ruined your fun with that dam--remember?
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Hulk
You! Yes, Hulk remembers, you made Hulk angry! Hulk still angry!
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Spider-Man
Yeah, well...I was counting on that...I think.
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Amazing Spider-Man #120
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Spider-Man
Yeah, green one showed me that trick too.
But, more importantly really... the answer to both of my questions is you don't know any more about this than I do.
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James Howlett (Earth-616) from Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Vol 4 1 0001.jpg
Wolverine
Agreed.
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Spider-Man
And yet you talked trash when I showed up late.
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Wolverine
'at's what I do, sunshine.
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Ms. Marvel Vol 2 #41
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Spider-Clone
Hold it right there... I don't know what the gag is, but I'm not laughing!
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Spider-Man
Neither am I, handsome!
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Amazing Spider-Man #149
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Medusa
I cannot. Nor can I tell you why I took it, save that my need is desperate.
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Spider-Man
Her hair--hitting me like a battering ram! Ow!
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Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #11
Isaiah Curwen (Earth-616) from All-New Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A to Z Vol 1 10 0001.jpg
Silver Dagger
Where are your taunts now, costumed clown!?
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Spider-Man
Where d'you want 'em, Baldy?
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Marvel Team-Up #77
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Spider-Man
Come on lady! This is no time to go hunting with your pig-sticker!
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Red Sonja
Cease your inane ape-grunts, man-spider; I know what I'm doing. I'm a warrior. If I'm to die, I'll make sure it's with a sword in my hand.
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Spider-Man
Uh-oh--I don't like the looks of this.
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Marvel Team-Up #79
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Red Sonja
Back to your pits, you thrice-damned spawns of Hell, or face the naked steel of Red Sonja, she-devil of the Hyrkanian Steppes!!
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Spider-Man
Huh--?!?
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Marvel Team-Up (UK) Winter Special #1
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Black Widow
Nancy Rushman and you might have something very special and beautiful.
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Spider-Man
But you're not her.
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Black Widow
And my feelings aren't hers. I'm sorry.
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Spider-Man
Yeah, me too.
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Marvel Team-Up #82
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Starhawk
No, earthman. The tape is ours, and ours it must remain!
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Nikki
Get 'im, Starhawk!
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Spider-Man
Nice try, buster--but bushwhacking a hero with a handy-dandy, 100% guaranteed Spider-Sense is next to impossible!
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Marvel Team-Up #86
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Spider-Man
Pretty fast, Shroud! Either you've got great reflexes, or you knew I was going to jump just then!
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The Shroud
I...knew.
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Spider-Man
Yeah? No matter what a big brain you are, there's no way you can dodge a net of webbing!
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Marvel Team-Up #94
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Mockingbird
By the way, I'm called the Mockingbird! Thanks for helping me out back there!
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Spider-Man
Can...uh...can we chat later? The car is out of control!
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Marvel Team-Up #95
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The Smuggler
Why you -- ! What kind of a fool do you think I am?
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Spider-Man
I dunno... What kind of fool are you?
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Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #49

Taskmaster
My, my, eager little beaver, ain't ya? But maybe ya wouldn't be--if ya knew about my "photographic reflexes"! 'Cause within limitations, once I see something' done, I can duplicate it exactly! An' that includes--your speed and agility!
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Spider-Man
Nice try, ugly! But not nice enou--
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Taskmaster
Sorry, hero, but whatever I can't duplicate, I can anticipate! And since I've studied most every super-type around, I think you'd be smart to throw in the towel!
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Spider-Man
No way Taskmaster! You can't duplicate or anticipate an airborne attack on a webbing rope!
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Taskmaster
No? Then how cum--I can cut it short with a Captain America-style sling?
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Marvel Team-Up #103
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Felicia
You almost slipped, Peter Parker.
You almost revealed another costume's name.
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Peter
Lay off.
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Felicia
Isn't that you all over?
Always rushing to unmask?
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Peter
You loved it when I do it, and you know it.
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Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do #6
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Nightcrawler
Jawohl und nein.
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Spider-Man
That means yes and no.
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Daredevil
What am I, retarded?
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Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do #5
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Daredevil
I don't have their heartbeats anymore... My god... He's a teleporter?
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Spider-Man
Worse... He's telekinetic.
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Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do #4
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Black Cat
I really hate you, you know that?
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Spider-Man
And I am thoroughly disgusted by you.
Welcome back, party-hardy.
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Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do #2
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Black Cat
What do you say we cuddle up some, and what you get when you cross a spider with a black cat, hmmm?
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Spider-Man
No, Cat!
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Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #98
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She-Hulk
I'll tackle you--head on!
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Spider-Man
Fat chance!
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Marvel Team-Up #107