Rocket Raccoon (Earth-616)/Quotes

I'm not packin' enough laser-power to drive that automaton back to its own territory! Time for a new strategy! Running!

Wal, the Rakk 'n' Ruin's caught tight in the grip of a giant nutcracker!

Arrggh! I have had it! This used to be a peaceful, pleasant nuthouse of a world before Jakes and Dyvyne started their toy war!

T-then we animals started out as… as pets for mentally deranged humans?!?

That's it, you killers! Squeal and scream! I'll teach you to try and destroy my dream!

Never doubt a raccoon.

My home is a lunatic asylum? I'm beginning to understand why I've blocked out so many memories.

Another one? There's another one of me?

Blam! Murdered you.

That's it! You can attack me, you can call me names, but no one -- NO ONE -- touches my blaster!

I have a theory! We shouldn't have come here! Ever!

Yeah, buddy! Reach inside that stupid %$@# and make him bleed out his mother %#@$ $#@&% and then @#$% his %$&#!

I know he's not exactly an Avenger or even a Great Lakes Avenger, but when you're framed for murder this far out in the galaxy you have to get creative.

We risk our tails to come here and tell you to get the hell off your planet because someone's coming to smash it into bits, and what do you people say? "No, thank you, we're going down with the ship." You know who goes down with the ship? Idiots.

Come on, Groot, let's blow this late '90s joint before he starts blasting Prodigy up in here.

This is complete gorg $@#%!

I bet you've got a lot to say... Well... Don't worry... I'm all ears, pal.

See... Me? I don't really care about people--I spend most of my time shooting them. But Groot... Groot likes people. Always sees the best in them. Gives 'em a shot. And even if it hurts, he always goes out of his way to help. Groot makes friends everywhere he goes... He puts himself out there... Even when he shouldn't.

This is Knowhere, baby. Don't let this total disaster fool you, we guard it...

I like her too. I like our new Star-Lord.

What in the unholy #%$ϵ@ is going on here? You. You come here, pop out of a cell like some sort of stripper at a birthday of death, and lay waste to half my guards. I'm Lord Rakzoon! Who the $@#% are... you?

Hey, guys? Guys? Remember before when we didn't die? I knew if we waited long enough we'd get another chance to do it properly!

Don't worry about what I'm gonna do with this dumb planet and its dumb people. Worry about getting that camera out of my face before I boom! Murder you!

And all the while, in the middle of all the that crazy, despite the certain death stuff, I was still looking for an angle. The out. The fluke. The miracle play. That one opportunity. That one break. The genius way we could combine our skills or exploit their weaknesses, and bust out of that death trap alive. Like I told you, I'm a tactical genius. Always looking, always looking, no matter how hopeless things seem... and there was none. We were dead. Certain death. Curtains. Good-night. Then the sun came out.

Sure I took out one of the galaxy's worst dictators alone. Convinced all these dummies that I was worse than their dummy boss. I may have even sentenced a few people to some pretty dark $%#@, but that's all a by-product of the universe's best troll ever.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Brakes on, team! No one's addressing the really important thing the big dude just said... the part about removing my brain! I am absolutely not down with that! It's my second favorite organ!

No, you don't understand. Right now, Groot "The God" is out there figuring out how to get me out of here. Maybe if you stop being... you, then I'll consider leaving the door open on my way out.

Hey! I'm a brain in a jar now, sharing a body of a lunatic demigod with a bunch of other evicted noggins! I do what I'm told, Stella, and I did not choose this, so get off my back!

We both know who's better at everything, and his name rhymes with Smocket Smaccoon.

No. Hard no. Why would we go to some stupid funeral? It's always the same stupid speech. "He was a kind, caring soul, blah blah blah, such a tragic loss, blah blah, he will live on in our smiles and songs."

Gotta be the ugliest human I've ever seen, and I hang out with Peter Quill.

Because, Symbiote-Boy, "out here" is better than Earth. You know how I know? Because half of you goobers lived on Earth and now you're out here wit' me. And I ain't no picnic. So Earth must suck.

So which one are you? Is Cable also a girl now?

I'm trying to find a way off this planet.

You can say it. You thought I was a raccoon who just happened to get into a bar fight.

I know I told ya to face your fears, but you're still on fire!

I'm not paying for that.

This is your last hunt, @#$!*@!

We need to go back for Groot!

What really happened, Quill?

You're relieved, Froggy. I'll be defending myself today.

Yeah, there's always a cost. Like, you ever hear somebody say, "I came back to life, and nothing bad happened because of it"? Nobody has ever said those words.

Ugh. This body's even worse than I thought it'd be. You're the Devil, you know that?

Lemme get this straight! We cooked up two of the craziest heists that anybody ever pulled off, just so the Grandmaster could test the Collector to make sure nobody had put a whammy on him? I better get my money. And you guys better hope the Gardener wasn't the one that hurt Groot -- or you're not gonna have to be doing any guessin' about whose wastin' Cosmic Elderlies and whatnot. 'cause I'll mulch his old moldy ass.

Yeah, not that you didn't have us scared. You must have passed out after you ejected, had a weird dream or somethin'.

I don't... don't know what happened. What happened to me. I lost something... I don't even know when, or what it was...

Groot says his new weird plant thing doesn't know where the stones are, but he knows we're not the only ones looking.

"Wakanda forever"? If you say so, lady.

Well, Hell. I can't exactly go save the galaxy in my current condition, can I?

Business as usual. I think that's our motive.

Lang--Stealin' this A.I.M. case shoulda been easy money...Too bad you're the worst flarkin' thief I have ever seen!

Watch this Fermion Projector for me! And make sure nothin' happens to it or else everything will go spillin'!

Buddy... I am... so sorry... but you're really not. Groot's not coming back.

Okay! We get it! They're like cats!

Where are you, you little furballs?

It's not Jeff. Don't be ridiculous. What a dumb name. No, he's Donovan. Lookit him. This is clearly a Donovan!

I'll tell you all something I've learned over the years with my friends. You can save the galaxy and take down scores. You can save millions of people by killing a few bad ones. You can do it all -- you just gotta tell yourself, and believe it when you say it -- "I'm the baddest mother @#$&#$% in the whole universe."

Kiddo. Look around you. The Kymellians are a fancy wizard race! They can lift mountains with their minds! They built a utopia! They don't need you down on your knees in the dirt! They're humoring you!