- Cool. I always knew atheists would someday save the world.
- -- Fantomex
Appearing in "All We Want is the World and Everything in it"
- Zombified H.A.M.M.E.R. agents (Death)
- D-18 (Death)
- Weapon I/Captain America (Steve Rogers) (Appears on a computer screen, TV, or hologram only)
- Weapon XV/Ultimaton (Appears on a computer screen, TV, or hologram only)
- Weapon Plus (Mentioned)
- Dark Avengers (Mentioned)
- Daken (Akihiro) (Mentioned)
- Doctor Doom (Victor von Doom) (Mentioned)
- Project Deathlok (Named only)
- Captain America's Shield (Appears on a computer screen, TV, or hologram only)
- Captain America's Uniform (Appears on a computer screen, TV, or hologram only)
Synopsis for "All We Want is the World and Everything in it"
The Weapon Plus Program is an organization of researchers that produces super-soldiers. Past iterations of the Program have included Weapon I (which produced Captain America), Weapon X (which produced Wolverine), Weapon XIII (which produced Fantomex), and Weapon XV (which produced Ultimaton). Today, the program keeps its research in a secret facility called The World, which is allegedly abandoned. And Norman Osborn's position towards it is, “Why don’t I own this?”
Elsewhere, in a sushi bar, Wolverine is quite happily eating by himself when Noh-Varr appears and starts asking him questions. He asks if he knows of the World. After Logan replies that he does, Noh-Varr states that Norman Osborn covets the place. He suspects that Osborn is sending his H.A.M.M.E.R. agents to seize it as they speak. When Logan asks why he’s come to see him about this, Noh-Varr explains that, from his time in the Avengers, he knows that Osborn has Logan pegged as one of the first line of resistance to his taking the facility. He already has a plan in place to deal with him. Logan asks what that might be, exactly. “Me,” replies Noh-Varr, standing defiantly with his hands on his hips.
Logan grumbles to himself that he doesn’t think it sounds like too much of a plan, but Noh-Varr points out that his body is infused with insect DNA, meaning his skin is coated with tympanic membranes. He can hear him quite clearly when he mumbles like that. Logan stands and replies that it’s lucky that he’s on the side of the angels, then. Noh-Varr feels that Logan is mocking him, and Logan quips that he makes a helluva detective too. He asks how he found him. Noh-Varr informs him that he was led to believe the restaurant has the finest selection of Japanese ales and rice wines in the city. He merely staked it out for half an hour before Logan showed.
Logan reaches for his hat and says they should go. Noh-Varr is surprised, and tells Logan that he isn’t going with him. He just came to warn him of Osborn’s plan. His responsibility in the matter ends now. Logan asks if he’s ever heard of a team-up before. He decides to break him in by explaining that usually, they start by fighting one another, but they’ll skip that part this time. “C’mon,” he adds, “I’m driving.” Noh-Varr doesn’t respond, but he clearly doesn’t think too much of Logan.
After a flight in one of the X-Men’s Blackbird’s, they arrive at the world. It’s dark and the place is quiet. They touch the ground and Wolverine immediately realizes that something’s not quite right. He snikts his claws which attracts the attention of some creatures within. A gas labeled Weapon XVI is released into the local atmosphere and Wolverine is instantly transformed into a savage, dribbling animal, roaring loudly which causes even Noh-Varr to curse.
Moments later, Noh-Varr is hot-footing it through the World with Wolverine and several of the creatures in pursuit. He jokes as he runs that if this is Wolverine’s idea of a team-up then he can blow them out his ass.
Noh-Varr reaches a dead end and climbs the wall. He warns the creatures, including Wolverine, that he knows mind-control when he sees it. He won’t hurt them unless they make him. He then delivers a solid kick to Wolverine’s face. “Or maybe just this once,” he adds. He clings to an overhang as the creatures start chanting things like, “He is all,” and, “Know peace, no worries, know Allgod.” Noh-Varr clambers into an access tunnel as another says, “Let him love you.”
Unfortunately, there are more creatures inside the dark recesses of the tunnel, a mixture of mutants and soldiers, and they order the Kree soldier to stand down. Noh-Varr attacks, leaping into them and dashing through a door which he closes behind him. He wonders what’s next after mind-controlled mutant freaks and brain-eating zombie shock troops. A voice behind him says, “Ahem,” and a gun is aimed at his head. Noh-Varr turns with great speed and kicks his assailant in the stomach. Fantomex fires off a few rounds before continuing shooting as the creatures break in through the now open door. He rolls with the fall and then leaps high to avoid the flailing arms of the mindless creatures. “Halt,” cries one. “We claim your flesh in the name of H.A.M.M.E.R.” Fantomex jokes that it’s the worst pickup line ever. He turns to see Noh-Varr upside down, walking on the ceiling and asks who the hell he is!
Meanwhile, Osborn looks at several screens showing white noise and asks what’s happening. He can’t see a thing. He leans over to his hapless employee and tells him he gave him all the money and corpses he asked for, and this is what he gets in return? The poor guy replies that their forces have infiltrated the facility, but it appears that the peculiarities of the site are hampering their communications. Osborn grabs him by the collar and says he was told the undead soldiers of his would be ready. The guy tries to reply, but Osborn warns him that the next words coming out of his mouth should be, “Mission accomplished Mr. Osborn,” or else he’ll take a @#%$ on him so giant he’ll never forget there was such a thing as the sun. “Bring me the world, or else!” The guy sweats and gulps, hoping his creations do their job.
Back in the World, Fantomex leads Noh-Varr into what looks like a former control booth high above the creatures. Noh-Varr says that Wolverine told him he might show, and introduces himself. Fantomex has never heard of him. Noh-Varr points out that he once burned a block-wide curse into the streets of New York and declared cosmic Jihad on the people of Earth. Fantomex replies that he must have missed it, and asks how long he’s been with the X-Men. Noh-Varr responds angrily, explaining that he is not a mutant. He is a Kree, a member of the most advanced race this universe has ever seen. Fantomex congratulates him, and asks how he walks up walls like that. Noh-Varr informs him that he has been genome-boosted with insect DNA. “Part cockroach, huh,” replies Fantomex. “I’m French. Pleased to meet you. Let’s go.”
He kicks open a panel which leads into a quiet part of the World. They climb through and relax a little. Noh-Varr doesn’t understand why the scientists who ran this place are all dead. Why is the World still active, and why are there hordes of genetic freaks running around? Who’s in charge? Fantomex tells him that nobody is, or more accurately, he suspects that the World itself has gone sentient. He likens it to a giant living organism, still churning out super weapons to serve as its immune system. The ‘genetic freaks,’ as Noh-Varr calls them, are his cousins. They were artificially evolved in vats to serve as super human breed stock. They know nothing of life beyond these walls.
Noh-Varr asks if he’s got this straight. There’s a giant factory churning out super-sentinels built for genocide, and no-one is actually bothered to keep an eye on it? Fantomex admits that maybe he should have done that, but he’s been busy. Busy doing what, asks Noh-Varr. “Stealing things mostly,” replies Fantomex. “Though here.” They go through a hole in the wall and emerge on a walkway high above the creatures that mill around below. Noh-Varr surmises that the creatures are under some form of mind-control. Fantomex informs him that it is called Weapon XVI. The World released it when it sensed it was under attack.
As he leaps from the walkway, he adds that it’s called Allgod, and it’s a living religion that attacks the faith reserves. You have to believe in some sort of God for it to work, so he’s immune. He has nanites in his brain to moderate his neocortex. This makes it physically impossible for him to believe in anything greater than himself. Noh-Varr replies that the Kree have a mathematical equation that proves the non-existence of any deities. They learn about it around the same time they learn not to soil themselves with excrement. Fantomex gets out his pistol and replies, “Cool. I always knew atheists would someday save the world.”
They continues through the complex until they arrive at their destination. In a large room, a massive brain hangs from the ceiling, plugged into machines to keep it alive. Fantomex calls it the World’s brain. As they prepare for an assault, Fantomex explains that Weapon XVI is capable of spreading exponentially if it escapes the confines of the dome. In a few hours they could have an entire planet of brain-dead religious freaks. Before Noh-Varr responds, Fantomex tells him to stop it. He knows what he’s gonna say. They have to somehow convince the World to shut the brain down.
Noh-Varr tells him that he has traversed countless different dimensions and parallel realities, and he’s yet to encounter a single problem that can’t be solved with a series of well-placed bullets. This makes him a man after Fantomex’s own heart. They sprint into action, blasting away as they run. Elsewhere, Wolverine and the creatures are praying to Allgod when they see an explosion. Wolverine snikts his claws and runs in their direction with a roar. He and the others reach Fantomex and Noh-Varr quickly and attack.
Fantomex holds them off, shooting Wolverine several times as he does so, and he asks for Noh-Varr to get to the brain. When Noh-Varr gets there he asks what to do next. “Kiss it,” replies Fantomex. This perplexes Noh-Varr, but Fantomex explains that as it’s a newly-formed sentient being, it’s frightened. It’s like a 13 year-old girl going through puberty. It just wants to know that they’re not a threat. “Kiss it,” he reiterates, “and hurry up.”
Noh-Varr takes another look at the brain and reckons someone’s gonna pay for this. He lands a smacker on the brain and it begins to work its magic. The creatures and Wolverine seem distracted as the brain calms down and their mind-control dissipates. Noh-Varr wipes his mouth and warns Fantomex never to tell anyone about this. Fantomex asks Logan if he’s all right. How does he feel? Logan comes slowly out of his mind-control and replies that it feels like he’s been shot in the face thirty times… and he wants to stab something!
Several guards appear before them and say that the World is theirs. They order them to stand down or they will forfeit their flesh. “Stab worthy?” asks Fantomex. “You betcha,” replies Wolverine as he leaps towards them. The three intrepid heroes slice, dice and shoot their way through the small army, decapitating heads and smashing in faces.
Osborn watches everything on his monitors which are now working again. He screams as he sees what’s going on. However, a remaining employee, Agent D-18, reaches inside the large body of the brain and pulls out a small piece of it housing the important stuff. He then radios in to Osborn and informs him that he has it and is returning to base. As soon as he finishes speaking, his arm is split into four as Wolverine’s blades slice through it. The brain hits the floor as he dies. Fantomex reckons that’s the last of them. Wolverine then turns to a camera and shouts, “Osborn, I hope you’re getting this! Sooner or later, this is gonna be you.” As he turns to walk away, the arms with the brain moves on its own volition.
Soon, Fantomex holds the world in the palm of his hand. Noh-Varr reckons it won’t be too hard to keep an eye on it now. He asks where he got a shrink ray. Logan says that what he means is, where did he steal it from? Fantomex believes his name Doom, a doctor of some sort. Noh-Varr stares at the World and reckons that if Fantomex could figure out a way to repurpose it and teach it to make something other than weapons, he could cure every Earthborn disease in a matter of days. Fantomex closes his fingers. “Yes,” he replies with a hint of sarcasm, “Yes, I’m sure that’s what I’ll do with it.”
He climbs into Eva and takes off. Wolverine tosses Noh-Varr the keys to the blackbird and tells him to take it. He’ll find his own way back. He then puts his hat and jacket back on and hitchhikes. Meanwhile, Norman Osborn punishes his employee, ripping a folder from his hands and calling him an idiot. The guy replies that there’s still a chance that Agent 18 is still active. As a truck arrives to pick up Logan, it runs over the agent’s animated forearm, squashing it. Osborn’s screen lights up ‘Agent 18 terminated.’ Enraged, Osborn blames his subordinate for the failure, and announces that he is cutting funding for the zombie soldier program - Project Deathlok - as it will clearly result in no dangerous results.
Elsewhere, Logan climbs into the truck and gets a ride to a church where he is let out. He has something he needs to do.
Appearing in "A Good Man"
Synopsis for "A Good Man"
Norman Osborn wants control of the Weapon Plus program. Wolverine wants to stop him. Fantomex wants to shoot everyone in the face. Marvel Boy just wants the hell out. And Weapon XVI wants to bring the world to its knees.
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Links and References
- ↑ First and only known appearance to date besides flashbacks
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