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Appearing in 1st story

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Synopsis for 1st story

As Deadpool fantasizes about passionately making out with Elsa Bloodstone, she calls to attention the fact that he's about to be eaten by a dragon.

Waking up from a nightmare induced by the dream-monster he was using as a footstool, Deadpool scolds it - the monster grumbling that it's a prophecy monster under its breath. Greeting Elsa, Deadpool asks if her infection is getting any worse. Elsa remarks that she's fine, prompting Deadpool to remark that his honor guard has returned so they can use Hurl. Elsa asks if he has any other teleporting monsters, Deadpool remarking that they could use Kohlaab but that that would be decidedly less pleasent. Greeting Night Wolf, Deadpool asks how the misson went and is told it was a middling success. Quipping that that's better than an outright failure, Deadpool tells Night Wolf that something's come up and he has to depart, and that Night Wolf is in charge until he gets back. Disregarding Night Wolf's protests, Deadpool tells Jeff the Land Shark that he can't come and gets his head chomped on.

Hurl vomits on them, and Deadpool, Elsa, and Jeff wind up somewhere in Greenland. Setting up camp for the night, Deadpool tells Elsa to reveal what they're really up against. Elsa grouses that she already told him they're going to enter the dimension of the Bone Beasts and kill their queen. Deadpool demands to know what a Bone Beast is, and Elsa retorts that they're hive-minded amorphous parasites with fangs. Wade grouses that that sounds familiar, then recalls that Elsa had shot him with a weird bullet and came back covered in black ooze. Elsa admits that he'd been briefly warped to their dimension, and Deadpool accuses her of leading him into a trap. Elsa states she needed to know if he'd be OK following her into the Bone Beasts' realm, and when Deadpool asks if Jeff will be alright she tells him the Land Shark should be fine. Deadpool tells Elsa to stop being cagey and mysterious and just exposition dump him, so she says that she was doing a monster-hunter gig in Prague when a Bone Beast snared her and tried to pull her into its realm. Elsa blasted it with the Bloodstone, causing it to release her. Deadpool abruptly interrupts her recap, irritibly telling her that he's the star of the comic, not her. Elsa protests that he was the one who asked her to tell him what happened, but Deadpool retorts that two pages of his comic is too many. One time-skip later, Elsa concludes her tale by saying she'd been infected by the Blood Beast. Deadpool lampshades the narrative construct by saying Elsa took so long the sun's gone down - Elsa calling him a hypocrite.

Leading Deadpool to the edge of a cliff, Elsa points to a purple-rimmed hole in the sky spewing Bone Beasts, which Deadpool quips makes it look like an anus. Noticing a village being overrun by the Blood Beasts, Deadpool suggests they go save it. Elsa retorts that the best chance they have to do so is by killing the Bone Beast Queen, but Deadpool points out that countless innocents could die in the time it takes them to do so. Begrudgingly agreeing to save the village first, Elsa snaps at him to not make her regret changing her mind.

As they charge into the village, Deadpool asks what the Bone Beasts' motivations are, and Elsa replies that - as indicated by their name - they eat bones. As they hack through the horde of Bone Beasts, Elsa amends her statement, saying that they'll eat just about anything but have an overwhelming preference for bones. Deadpool wonders if the Bone Beasts are just trying to feed their young, Elsa snapping that so far as she can tell their sole purpose is to feed their queen. Spotting a Bone Beast devouring a dog, Deadpool vows to wipe the Bone Beasts out of existance. Elsa's hand suddenly throbs in pain and she drops to her knees as a Bone Beast lunges at her. Deadpool kills it and asks if she's alright, Elsa retorting that they're running out of time. Pulling out his guns, Deadpool opens fire. Once all the Bone Beasts are dead, a woman approaches and says that the village's children were taken. As they climb the mountain to the portal, Deadpool and Elsa recap their plan - Elsa saying that if things go pear-shaped he's to take Jeff and leave her.

Inside the Bone Beasts' dimension, Deadpool complains that he can't tell the difference between the monsters and the terrain. Elsa tells him to be quiet, but Deadpool says he thinks their cover was blown the moment they arrived. Knocked to the ground, Deadpool looks up at the Blood Beast Queen - a tentacled monster with multiple nested mouths - as she greets Elsa and says that the monster-hunter kept her promise by bringing her the one who shall become her new host. Realizing that Elsa double-crossed him, Deadpool furiously confronts her.

Solicit Synopsis

IT’S A LOVE STORY, DEADPOOL, JUST SAY YES!

• Elsa Bloodstone is dying, and the only one who can save her is Deadpool!

• What’s wrong with the mystical, magical Bloodstone gem? And what can Deadpool possibly do about it?

• The answers will shock you! The implications will astound you! The jokes will…well, we won’t make any promises about the jokes.

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