Appearing in "The Maltese Cockroach"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
- Hemlock Shoals
- R. L. Haney
Antagonists:
Other Characters:
- Pro-Rata (Only in flashback)
- Beverly Switzler (Only in flashback)
- Prei-Ying Mantis (Death) (Only in flashback)
- Norman Mallard (Mentioned)
- Muhammad Ali (Mentioned)
Races and Species:
Locations:
- Earth
- United States of America
- Ohio
- Cleveland
- Cuyahoga River (Only in flashback)
- Cleveland
- New York (State)
- New York City
- Barqu Bookshop
- Coach Hotel/Roach Motel
- New York City
- Maltesia
- Citadel of Sai'furr (Only in flashback)
Items:
- Cosmic Key
Vehicles:
- Howard's Taxi
Synopsis for "The Maltese Cockroach"
On a winter day, a caterpillar named Hemlock Shoals asked Howard to drive him from Cleveland to New York. They arrived in New York nearly instantly and Howard's taxi was surrounded by locals. Shoals snapped his fingers and they zoomed to a parking space, where he dismounted and paid Howard with a Dimensional Express traveler's check, although Howard refused to accept it. When Shoals realized that he should have paid with dollars, instead, he returned to Howard and offered to take him along on his case. Howard was not interested at first until Shoals mentioned the Cosmic Key.
Shoals led Howard to Barqu Bookshop, where he tracked the key to and met its proprietor R.L. Haney, who had never heard of the Cosmic Key. Shoals revealed that the Cosmic Key originated on his homeworld, Maltesia, and that he prevented Pro-Rata from acquiring the key by causing it to vanish through one of the inter-dimensional doors opened by his spells, as well as his journey tracking the key to Barqu Bookshop. Then, Shoals learned that Haney had the key the whole time, but knew nothing about it, moments before the Uncanny Cockroach snatched it and revealed that he needed it to exist. The Uncanny Cockroach revealed that when he was a non-sentient cockroach living inside of the bookshop's drawers, he came into contact with the key and metamorphosed, as a result, and needed it to rule the world and mutate other cockroaches.
Howard, Shoals, and Haney, as well as a mob of locals chased the Cockroach into the old Coach Hotel. One of the people on the hotel's second floor sprayed him with Raid aerosols before the mob found him again. Howard ambushed the Cockroach when he made it to the fourth floor and trapped him by spreading paste across the floor, walls, and ceilings, then offered to free him in exchange for the key. After Howard acquired the key, the Cockroach attacked him before Haney threw Shoals' walking stick and threw the dagger tip at him, causing him to revert to his original form.
After recovering the key, Shoals declared that Howard had "as much right to it" as anyone else and offered to let him use it. Howard did not trust himself with it and Haney did not want it and claimed that nobody would believe him if he wrote about it, so Shoals used the key to change the name of Coach Hotel to "Roach Hotel", so that people would remember the day's events. When Howard entered his taxi, Shoals snapped his fingers, causing the former to quickly find himself in Cleveland, although facing the wrong way in a one-way street.
Appearing in "The Dreadcliff Cuckoos!"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
Antagonists:
- B.E.S.T.
- Dr. Reich
- Rev. Joon Moon Yuc
- Sinister Soofi
- ⏴ Nurse Barbara
- Werner Blowhard
- Mahagreasy Migraine Yogi
Other Characters:
- Tooth Fairy (Mentioned)
- Santa Claus (Mentioned)
- Adolph Hitler (Mentioned)
- Eva Braun (Mentioned)
- Hermann Göring (Mentioned)
Races and Species:
Locations:
Synopsis for "The Dreadcliff Cuckoos!"
Chapter One:
Howard, Bev, Winda, and Paul took a free trip to Dreadcliff Manor through a supermarket coupon none of them remembered filling out. As Howard was about to turn on the lights for his room, Miss Danberry ordered him not to, claiming that the storm outside had disrupted the power lines, and lit candles instead. As, Miss Danberry led Winda and Paul to their room, Howard grew suspicious, but Bev just wanted to relax.
Two days ago, as Howard and Bev came home from the supermarket when a man named J. Michael Anthony visited him and claimed that Howard had won a sweepstakes for an all-expense-paid vacation to Dreadcliff Manor. At the manor, Howard expressed to Bev that he believed that they should have passed on the trip. While looking outside of the window, Howard saw a man. Bev, who was lying on a bed, disregarded his concern, but attempted to turn on a lamp to check if the electricity was back on. When she pulled a switch, the bed turned over, causing her to fall into a shaft and Howard alerted Winda and Paul. Winda helped Howard search for Beverly and was grabbed from behind in the closet and accidentally flicked the light switch, causing Howard to fall into a shaft under the bed.
While in the shaft, Howard saw a door in a wall and entered a room before seeing what appeared to be a ghost. The "ghost" was actually a man wearing a cloth and he and Miss Danberry, who was actually Nurse Barbara in a mask, kept Bev and Winda inside of a cage. Winda recognized Nurse Barabra, who revealed to her that she first exhibited mental powers at the mental hospital and gathered Sinister Soofi, Reverend Joon Moon Yuc, Mahagreasy Migraine Yogi, and Werner Blowhard. Nurse Barbara also revealed that they wanted Winda and Howard, as they had both experienced contact with the cosmic axis and that their leader Dr. Reich formulated a theory that the cosmic axis may present a pathway to the minds of the masses.
Chapter Two: Fuhrer Knows Best!
Dr. Reich, the leader of B.E.S.T. -- Bozoes Eagerly Serving Tyrants, revealed himself and declared his intent to do mankind's thinking for them by ridding their minds of originality with Formula 410. Howard watched their meeting, as B.E.S.T. took Winda and planned to use her mind to gain access to the Cosmic Axis and project their control onto the minds of the entire world. When Dr. Reich learned that his generals did not capture Howard, he ordered them to search for him.
When Howard saw Paul sleepwalking around the manor, he placed a knight's helmet and a bedsheet on him and used him to scare B.E.S.T. before Nurse Barbara hit him with a mace. Howard, who was wearing another suit of armor, attacked Nurse Barbara and her colleagues attacked him, reducing his armor. Winda saw that Paul wasn't moving and summoned previously uncontrollable visions from other planes to terrorize Dr. Reich. Dr. Reich shot his pistol at the visions, accidentally killing Mahagreasy Migraine Yogi and breaking the chain that held the cage holding Bev. After Bev was freed, she pulled Howard out from the armor torso and kicked Reverend Yuc out of a window. As Nurse Barbara was about to hit Howard, Paul, who finally woke up, tripped her, causing her to throw her mace at Werner Blowhard's face. Sinister Soofi grabbed Howard from behind, but accidentally sprayed Formula 410 at Dr. Reich, causing him to relive Hitler's final moments of World War II by shooting himself in the head. Although Dr. Reich believed that he was Hitler, he was really not and was actually Hitler's dentist and replaced his own teeth with Hitler's dentures.