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Hercules Vol 4 2 Dauterman Variant Textless.jpg
Thou wouldst not strike the Lion of Olympus, wouldst thou?
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Immortal She-Hulk Vol 1 1 She-Hulk Timeless Variant.jpg
Y'know, Herky-baby... I wouldst!
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Appearing in "Old Flames"

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Synopsis for "Old Flames"

Weezi is in her apartment, attempting to sleep, which she is woken up by sounds from her closet. She grabs a hairbrush to use as a weapon and goes to investigate. When she opens the door, a horde of little purple demons come rushing out! They are dressed like tourists, all carrying luggage and cameras!

Elsewhere, Jen is dreaming that she is on a beach, having a romantic interlude with Hercules. She is woken out of her dream by the telephone. It is Weezi phoning, saying she has a "bit of a situation" at her place. Jennifer is still quite groggy when she answers the phone and asks if Weezi is in any immediate danger. Weezi looks at the flood of demons who continue to pour out of her closet, and the goofy mayhem they are causing, one of them is even taking her picture. She tells Jen she doesn't think she is in any immediate danger, so Jen says she'll talk to her tomorrow. Jen suddenly snaps fully awake when she hears a loud crash over the phone! Jen frantically asks if Weezi is okay. "I'm fine Jennifer," she replies, "but now there are two men with beachball sized biceps in my bedroom."

Jen excitedly says she'll be right there, and quickly gets dressed.

Outside Jen's apartment, Brent Wilcox is sitting in his car, watching Jen's window. He has apparently been watching her for days. He believes that the reason Jennifer keeps refusing to go out with him is that she's seeing someone else. He is following her to find proof of this, and then he'll try to show her that he is the better man. He thinks back to how they were in school when Jen was the admirer and Brent was the stand-offish one. Brent vows that things will be that way again soon... only this time he won't be as stand-offish. He sees Jen leaving her apartment and getting into a cab, so he follows her.

Across town, Thor and Hercules are fighting to try and contain the chaos the demons are causing. Thor goes out to deal with the ones in the streets, while Hercules continues to deal with the ones in Weezi's apartment.

Jen's taxi arrives, and she sees Thor fighting the demons. She thinks that something about this seems familiar, but she can't quite put her finger on it. She sees a bus driven by demons about to run over some children and She-Hulk throws herself into the path! The impact sends the demon flying through the windshield, although he appears not to be harmed at all, and Jen gets the civilians off the bus. She then looks around to find out where the demons are coming from and is shocked to see that they are pouring out of Weezi's apartment!

Jen leaps up and smashes through the wall and find Hercules inside. Hercules has accidentally offended Weezi by calling her a "helpless female", and Weezi is angrily pointing out that she used to be a superhero. Jen sees her dream lover and immediately faints.

Brent has arrived, and runs up the stairs to the apartment, and opens the door. He is dismayed to find Jen laying on the floor, with the big, brawny Hercules holding her in his arms. Brent jumps to the wrong conclusion, and tells Hercules to let her go, because she is his. Hercules is so offended at being spoken to so rudely, that he drops Jen, and she bangs her head on the floor. Jen comes to and sees Brent and Hercules arguing over which of them Jen should be attracted to. She groans and says this is her worst nightmare. Weezi tells her to get up. "While these two idiots are standing here arguing... that rather nice blond one is fighting alone against the demons!"

As She-Hulk gets to her feet Hercules comments that it is "good to feast mine eyes once more upon thee." Jen rolls her eyes and notes that he hasn't changed a bit. She tells Herc and Brent to keep playing, while she has work to do. Herc tells her to stand aside and that it is man's work. She-Hulk just glares at him as Hercules jumps out the window. Brent, on the other hand, realizes that he can't compete with Hercules' brawn, so he decides to impress Jennifer with his brain. He says that he'll deal with this problem, and asks the ladies to show him where the demons came from. Weezi shows him the portal in her closet and begins working on theories on how to reverse it and drive them back. Jen suddenly realizes why this seems so familiar. A few years back she helped stop a full-scale invasion of these demons. It was a larger portal then, but definitely the same configuration. Jen tries to tell this to Brent, but he shushes her and says not to interrupt him while he's thinking. Jen is fed up, and storms off. Weezi chases after her telling her to calm down. Jen replies that she is calm, but "it's just high time I had a chat with someone who isn't a poor man's Reed Richards and doesn't think with his pectorals!"

Elsewhere, Thor is fighting some of the demons. They recognize him as the son of their master's greatest enemy and realize that they will be rewarded if they kill him. However, before they can strike, She-Hulk gets her hands on them and tosses them over the side of the building. As Thor and She-Hulk compare notes, Weezi rushes up to join them. Thor confirms that these are the legions of Surtur, but what confuses him is that Surtur was recently defeated, and the way to their realm was sealed. Jen thinks she has figured that part out but wonders how he knew that the demons had arrived and come out of Weezi's closet. Thor says he has been alert since the war with Surtur. "When the demons did set foot on Midgard... mine mystic hammer did throb most urgently!" Jen makes a face at that comment, and Weezi smirks and says "So to speak." Thor is ready to rush back into the battle, but Jennifer says she has a plan to end this quickly, with Hercules' help. Hercules smirks and says "but of course!"

Soon, Thor and She-Hulk interrupt another group of rampaging demons. She-Hulk tells them she doesn't want to fight, but she wants to save them from embarrassing themselves. "Your master was defeated years ago... you're late, you missed the party!" The demon doesn't believe her until Hercules calls upon his father, Zeus, who opens a window through time which shows the demons how Surtur fell in battle with Odin, and how Earth's heroes then sealed the portal, trapping their fellow demons. "Blast! That's the trouble with dimensions! Time moves much faster on Earth than in Muspelheim! Time it took to pack, the battle was fought and lost!" The lead demon tells his brethren to gather their souvenirs and get back to the portal.

As the heroes watch the demons retreat, Hercules boasts about how magnificent he was. Jen is annoyed, considering it was her idea. He then wraps an arm around her and suggests that they go celebrate. She-Hulk shoves him off and tells him to get lost. Jen says she can't imagine what she ever saw in him. Thor decides this would be a good time for him to leave, and Hercules agrees. "Aye Thunderer! The maiden and I have business of a most private nature. Is that not so, O jade one?" Hercules then smacks She-Hulk's rear. This is the last straw, and She-Hulk turns around and belts Herc in the face, sending him flying through a brick wall! Jen walks away saying she'll stick to dreaming about him, because the reality is disappointing.

She and Weezi return to the apartment and find Brent is still there. Brent is cheering how "they" drove the demons away, and grabs Jennifer into a hug. "Do we make a great team or what?" Jen pushes him off, and tells him that anything that they ever had between them is long gone. Brent believes she is just playing hard to get, and says he won't give up. Suddenly, the portal reopens and a demon pops out saying he forgot his souvenir of Earth. He grabs Brent and yanks him into the portal! "Brent! Come back... I haven't finished snubbing you yet!" She-Hulk grabs for him, but he gets pulled into the portal too fast, and she misses. Weezi says they have to go after him, and Jen agrees. Then the two women exchange a look, and say together "later."


Continuity Notes

  • She-Hulk recognizes the demons who she already fought in Thor #353. This is the same story in which Odin and Surtur seemingly perished in battle. However, both survived this battle and resurfaced in Thor #398399.

Chronology Notes

The flashback that takes place during Wilcox's time in college in this story affects the chronology of the following characters:

See Also

Links and References


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