Appearing in "I Have No Mouth and I Am Mean!"
- Louise Mason
- U.S. Archer
- Taryn O'Connell
- Poppa Wheelie
- Wide-Load Annie
- Mary McGrill
Synopsis for "I Have No Mouth and I Am Mean!"
She-Hulk and the others confront Xemnu! Mary wants to know where U.S. is, so Xemnu pulls him and Retread out of the truck and tosses them back to her. Mary rushes to check on her husband. U.S. is groggy, but once he recognizes Mary he warns her that Xemnu is here for their baby! Jen hears that and remembers that Xemnu's agenda has always been kidnapping children to repopulate his world. Xemnu says that his past attempts have been unsuccessful because children are already too bonded to their humanity... so he now plans to begin manipulating the child before it is even born! She-Hulk and Razorback charge forward to stop him, but Xemnu uses his hypnotic zap to render all the humans unconscious.
Jennifer dreams that she is in a mythical paradise, with flying unicorns and dancing centaurs. She hears a trumpet, and turns to see her hero approaching on a white horse. She rushes over to him and takes off his helmet... it is Hercules! The two of them start to kiss passionately...
Then Jennifer wakes up, hanging upside down from the ceiling, along with Xemnu's other captives. They are trapped inside Poppa Wheelie's garage, which Xemnu has converted for his purposes. He has strapped Mary into a machine, which will allow him to reshape the genetic structure of her unborn baby, turning it into a member of his species. The others quickly fill Jen in on what's happened while she was sleeping. Some of the Star Stop's other customers tried to help them, but Xemnu zapped them all too. Razorback has tried to free himself from the ropes, but every time Xemnu just zaps him again. They figure he hit She-Hulk with an extra powerful zap, since she is so much more powerful.
She-Hulk snaps free of the ropes, and then somersaults up behind Xemnu and clobbers him from behind before he has a chance to realize she's free! She tells Razorback to free himself and the others, while she presses her advantage on Xemnu! Jen punches the Titan through a wall, but as she rushes out after him, he has enough time to recover. He zaps her unconscious again before she can reach him.
When She-Hulk wakes up, she discovers she has been partly transformed into one of Xemnu's species! He informs her that Razorback destroyed the equipment he was using on Mary Archer, so this is his back up plan. He is going to transform She-Hulk so that she can become the bride of Xemnu! He is just about to throw the switch to finish the process when he discovers that he is surrounded by a fleet of ships!
Soon, Jen has been restored to normal, thanks to Al the alien and his wife. Al says that she doesn't seem to be glad to have been rescued. She-Hulk says that it isn't that, but that she is still hurting from the laserolosis that his wife gave her. She asks him if he is certain that it is permanent. Al says that he is. Razorback and U.S. tell her that after Xemnu had knocked her out again, he jumped back into Archer's star rig and took off before they could follow. However, Al and his convoy were already coming in response to the distress signal U.S. sent out when they ran into Xemnu in the first place, and they came to rescue her. Al assures Jen that Xemnu is harmless now since they are using a hypno-damper to prevent him from using his powers. Jen says she can't help feeling a little bit sorry for Xemnu since his whole motive is that he doesn't want to be lonely anymore. That gives Poppa Wheelie and idea, and he asks Annie if Big Enilwen is around. Annie figures out what Poppa is thinking, and says that is a great idea.
She goes to find Big Enilwen, a giant, child-like alien who collects teddy bears. She tells him that they have a present for him--Xemnu! Enilwen excitedly grabs his new "teddy bear" and gives it a big hug, promising to love him forever! When Jen comments on how weird it is that there is a giant alien who collects teddy bears, Poppa tells her it gets even weirder--the teddy bear is the most common toy in the galaxy. Apparently, even planets that don't have bears have teddy bears. Jen figures this is a tidy solution--Xemnu is no longer a threat, and he will no longer be lonely, whether he likes it or not.
Now she just has one more loose end to tie up--Razorback and Taryn. Buford tells her that he is ready to face whatever punishment is coming for having hijacked the Starblazer. Jennifer gets on the comm-system and contacts Dr. DeWitt at NASA and explains the whole story. DeWitt says that although Buford and Taryn weren't authorized to take the ship, they have given it a better shakedown cruise than they hoped for. She says that she is prepared to waive the criminal charges--and offers Buford a job, to continue piloting the Starblazer into unexplored space for NASA! Buford is delighted to accept the offer...and Taryn leaps into his arms, saying how proud she is of him. The two of them begin to kiss, and Jennifer leaves to give them some privacy.
Two days later, Razorback and Taryn prepare to depart in the Starblazer, which has been given a new paint job as the Big Pig III. Taryn makes her goodbyes to her old friends, and Razorback thanks She-Hulk for all her help. Then the two of them take off into space. As she watches them go, She-Hulk suddenly realizes--how is she supposed to get home?! U.S. tells her they have already taken care of that. He takes her into the garage, where he and Al have souped up a green '59 Dodge which has been specially modified to fly her back to Earth. Al says that it is only capable of the one interstellar flight, and after that it will function as a flying car. Jen is pleasantly surprised, and thanks them both. U.S. says that it is just their way of saying thanks for all her help. He then takes her back to the house, since Mary wants to make sure Jen gets a good meal before flying home.
Back on Earth, a short, white-haired man named Nick St. Christopher comes to Weezi's desk, asking to see Jennifer.
- She-Hulk mentions how Xemnu has previously attempted to kidnap children to repopulate his planet. He first started trying to do this in Marvel Feature #3.
- The title is a reference to the Award-winning Harlan Ellison story "I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream." Ellison and writer John Byrne are friends.
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