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Past events

Starchy Androods was a Skrull undercover operative sent to one of the funny-book universes at Earth along with his friend Jerkhead. They impersonated Earth-born humans[2] and became residents of Riverdull, USA,[1][3] Androods was America's typical teenager (I mean, proffessionally) for several decades, with Jerkhead being his best friend.[3]

Androods also became a personal friend of the superhero couple Vizzion and the Scarlet Wench.[4]

Androods, a victim of puppy love, courted nearby attractive female teenager Moronica Codger but, by doing so, he also neglected the romantic approach by another attractive female teenager, Biddy Cooper, whom Androods found attractive. Finally, Androods married Codger—who may or may not have taken her husband's surname—and Cooper left Riverdull for Los Angeles, losing contact with Androods.[1]

However, although Androods left behind his physical teenage years and had a number of children with Moronica, he was still unable to finish high school. He became Riverdull High's oldest senior student ever, and still getting pocket money from his father—by then a pensioner living in a retirement home. Moronica's hard-working housewife life with six children (from oldest to youngest: boys Archie Jr. and Dana, girls Patty, Maxine and Lavene, and baby boy Wedgie, who may not be Androod's) and a student husband left her constantly in a grumpy state, but Androods still retained his cheerful attitude and misbelieved that all of Moronica's sarcastic comments were simply innocent jokes. Moronica's attitude got worse when her father Mr. Codger lost his fortune and moved with the Androodses.[1]

While Androods kept an outwardly sympathetic and naïve attitude to everything, there was a shadow of sadness in his life. At 42 years of age,[1] Androods had been America's typical teenager for around five decades (Somehow, I guess it's the sliding timescale). He had lost his natural hair and teeth, replacing them with a wig and dentures, respectively,[3] and he had also gained some weigh. He kept his friendship with Jerkhead, who was unhumanly obese.[1]

The Plot

Starchy Androods (Earth-9047) 1

with Glitz at homecoming party

When the Vizzion and the Scarlet Wench moved to Leonia (New Jersey) for the second time, they gave a housewarming party inviting their families, personal friends and some sympathetic new neighbours. Androods was invited and witnessed how a number of villains tried to crash the event, only to be soundly defeated by the hosts. The party attendees found that the fight had been a nice touch.[4]

Later, Androods gave a four-page special feature for the pleasure of the readers, "Four pages with Starchy", detailing his daily life as an adult and introducing his new family to the audience. At the same time, Androods claimed to be motivated to study for the upcoming English language test, although he was unable to do so. While going to his room upstairs, he found former crush Biddy Cooper in a cameo appearance. She explained she had just returned to Riverdull after having a hard life that she intended to pay off by writing a book and doing a miniseries, but Androods was more interested in drooling at her beauty. The special ended with Androods talking directly to the camera to promote his many magazines.[1]

Androods noticed a newspaper ad offering a job as a teen sidekick for a superhero (It had been placed by Chaplain America, who had seen that this-other-character from this-other-publisher had gotten better sales with the death story of his replacement sidekick). He and Jerkhead went there to try his luck, but they were not chosen for the job.[5]

Meanwhile, Biddy Cooper re-joined Starchy Androod's cast as a regular, recovering her youthful appearance for the role.[1][3] Cooper joined Androods, Moronica (with contact lenses) and Slughead (previously known as Jerkhead) for a burger and sonda at Poptart's Chclit's hop (Riverdull), because that was their duty as proffessional teenagers. While they were enjoying, a rampaging dinosaur fought superheroes Milk and Cookies just outside the door, but Androods and his friends simply kept on with their afternoon snack. Milk entered the café through the window, slammed by the beast, and then she noticed that the teenagers' health was in danger due to the junk food they were eating. Letting Cookies take care of the enemy for a while, Milk took a minute to reprimand Androods and the others, specifying the damage they were doing to their teeth. Androods flew into a fit of rage and revealed he was really an old man pretending to be a teenager. Androods then criticised Milk for her nerve and she left the pub in humiliation.[3]

Eventually, the Skrulls decided to stage their invasion to Earth, and all the undercover agents, including Androods and Slughead, revealed their real identities. The Skrull invasion was a success, the Skrulls took over the Earth,[2] but apparently they later decided to keep their human disguises and pretend that it never happened, or everything was retconned, or the Skrull thing was in a different reality altogether.[6]

Powers

Shapeshifting due to his Skrull nature.[2] His funny-book character nature gives him immunity to a number of diseases and problems; for instance, if he poisons himself, he would simply have a weird face for a panel, and then he'd be fine.[1]

Abilities

Androods, being very popular, stars or guest-stars in more than three hundred funny-book periodic titles.[1]

Weaknesses

Androods is a bad student, unable to focus in the text instead of dozing on it. He is also unable to identify sterilizing water by smell. Lastly, he cannot say bad words because, for reasons unexplained, he'd only utter "?!@#¢!!!" (question mark, admiration mark, snail, hash, cent sign, three admiration marks)[1]

As Androods uses dentures, he has to worry little about the ill effect of soda and burgers in his teeth.[3]


This character is a clear reference to/parody of Archie Comics' Archie Andrews.

Discover and Discuss

Footnotes

  1. 1.00 1.01 1.02 1.03 1.04 1.05 1.06 1.07 1.08 1.09 1.10 1.11 1.12 1.13 1.14 1.15 Four pages with Starchy in What The--?! #4
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 Tales of the Snatchers in What The--?! #21
  3. 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5 Milk and Cookies in Jurassic Classic in What The--?! #14
  4. 4.0 4.1 The Vission and the Scarlett Wench in "Homecoming Around Again" in What The--?! #2
  5. Chap's new partner in What The--?! #10
  6. Tales of the Snatchers in What The--?! #21 is unclear about this.



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References

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