—SatanDamn! Can't you do anything right, Dracula?
Appearing in "The Vampire Conspiracy!"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
- Harold H. Harold
- Aurora Rabinowitz (fictionalized version also)
- Frank Drake (fictionalized version only)
- Rachel van Helsing (fictionalized version only)
Antagonists:
Other Characters:
- Fruitcake the cat
Locations:
Synopsis for "The Vampire Conspiracy!"
Harold H. Harold sits down at his typewriter and continues working on what he feels will be his masterpiece novel, "The Vampire Conspiracy". While the story is fiction, it is populated with characters that Harold knows personally, including Harold himself.
The Vampire Conspiracy
- Harold H. Harold is the leader of the Harold Supernatural Slayers. At the behest of a woman named Aurora Rabinowitz, Harold and his friends, Frank Drake and Rachel van Helsing investigate the haunting of Aurora’s inherited estate, Hellion House. Aurora tells Howard about strange happenstances taking place in the haunted mansion including ambulating empty suits of armor. Having researched the history of the manse, Harold informs Aurora of the mansion’s dark two-hundred year history.
- Elsewhere in the house, Satan, having taken the form of a large black cat, commands his servant Dracula to route out the unwelcome guests. Dracula attacks Rachel van Helsing and turns her into a vampire. Frank is forced to quickly end Rachel's undead existence.
- Harold meanwhile, as a master of the martial arts, easily defeats both Dracula and Satan. He pushes Dracula backwards onto an upended sharpened stake, destroying him. They burn the house to the ground and Harold shares a passionate embrace with Aurora.
Completing his novel, Harold pulls the last page out of the typewriter and drops the complete project into the mailbox. Aurora drives up and Harold asks her out on a date. She humbly declines, citing that she already has plans. As they drive off Harold mutters, "As they always say – the nice guys really do finish last".
Notes
- Dracula does not make an actual appearance in this issue.