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What If?

What If? Vol 1 34
Published
August, 1982
Artists
Themselves: [1][2]
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Quote1 Let's have some fun for once! Let's do a whole book full of alternate unrealities! Quote2
-- Uatu the Watcher

Appearing in "The Fantastic Four were Bananas"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Fantastic Four were Bananas"

The Fantastic Four are literally bananas; though patently absurd, it does have a certain appeal.

Appearing in "Odin were Peter Parker's Uncle"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Odin were Peter Parker's Uncle"

Odin married May Parker and easily defeated the burglar that came to rob their house.

Appearing in "Don Blake and Tony Stark were brothers"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Don Blake and Tony Stark were brothers"

Don Blake and Tony Stark are brothers who fight over each other's objects of power. Tony was adopted.

Appearing in "Aunt May were Ant Man"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Aunt May were Ant Man"

Aunt May Parker was Ant-Man, making the Parker family full of bugs. Uatu suggests they move into a roach motel.

Appearing in "Spider-Man married Spider-Woman"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Spider-Man married Spider-Woman"

Spider-Man married Spider-Woman in lieu of Black Widow. His aunt and rogue's gallery were in attendance.

Appearing in "Reed Richards took postman Willie Lumpkin up on his offer to join the Fantastic Four"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Reed Richards took postman Willie Lumpkin up on his offer to join the Fantastic Four"

Willie Lumpkin joined the Fantastic Four. Apparently, the Reed Richards of this reality was as stupid as the 616 version is smart. Soon, anyone with any kind of ability whatsoever were accepted as a member, including having a voracious appetite...

Appearing in "Captain America chose to remain Nomad"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Captain America chose to remain Nomad"

Steve Rogers remained Nomad, forcing the Captain America comic to run reprints.

Appearing in "Rick Jones left Captain Marvel in the Negative Zone"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Rick Jones left Captain Marvel in the Negative Zone"

Rick Jones left Captain Mar-Vell stranded in the Negative Zone.

Appearing in "Nick Fury had to wear an eyepatch on his right eye"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Nick Fury had to wear an eyepatch on his right eye"

Nick Fury wore eyepatch on right eye, making all of the Life Model Decoys obsolete.

Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed Grandpa"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed Grandpa"

Ghost Rider possessed a wheelchair-bound grandfather in old folks home.

Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed a Skater"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed a Skater"

Ghost Rider possessed a female roller skater.

Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed a baby"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed a baby"

Ghost Rider possessed an infant.

Appearing in "Everyone who'd ever been an Avenger remained an Avenger"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Everyone who'd ever been an Avenger remained an Avenger"

All Avengers members stayed with the team permanently.

Appearing in "Him had married Her"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Him had married Her"

Him married Her and had two children and a dog in the suburbs.

Appearing in "Black Bolt got the hiccups"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Black Bolt got the hiccups"

Black Bolt got the hiccups, devastating New York City.

Appearing in "Galactus ate the Earth"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Galactus ate the Earth"

Galactus literally ate the Earth.

Appearing in "Kazar were a middle-aged accountant"

Characters:

Reality:

Items

Synopsis for "Kazar were a middle-aged accountant"

After an electrolysis treatment, Ka-Zar no longer wants to whack saurians and decides to become a certified public accountant by mail. From there, he began wearing a tie (with no shirt), and gave formal lecture tours.

Appearing in "The Hulk were yellow"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Hulk were yellow"

The Hulk was yellow, but not a chicken.

Appearing in "The Invisible Girl dyed her hair"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Invisible Girl dyed her hair"

Invisible Girl dyed her hair and no one could tell because she was invisible.

Appearing in "Power Man were white"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Power Man were white"

Luke Cage is a funky honky, apparently.

Appearing in "The Thing were blue"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Thing were blue"

The Thing sobbed uncontrollably since his transformation and was covered in blue rock instead of orange. His catch phrase was, "It's Slobberin' Time!"

Appearing in "Captain Marvel hadn't died"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Captain Marvel hadn't died"

Mar-Vell was cured of his cancer and went on to live a relatively dull life.

Appearing in "Phoenix still lived"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Phoenix still lived"

The Phoenix survived and pretended to be normal.

Appearing in "Elektra had survived"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Elektra had survived"

Elektra survived the encounter with Bullseye and gave up her life of crime and adventure, attempting instead to get married, "or something."

Appearing in "Dazzler had become a stand-up comedian"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Dazzler had become a stand-up comedian"

Dazzler became a comedian instead of a singer, using the laughter of her foes to form hard light weapons.

Appearing in "Marvel Comics and the National Endowment for the Arts presented Spidey Intellectual Stories"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Marvel Comics and the National Endowment for the Arts presented Spidey Intellectual Stories"

Marvel produced a more intellectual version of Amazing Spider-Man, where he convinced his foes against their own actions using verbal logic.

Appearing in "Willie Lumpkin were Herald to Galactus"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Willie Lumpkin were Herald to Galactus"

Willie Lumpkin became a Herald of Galactus, delivering the news of impending doom via post-marked mail.

Appearing in "Ghost Rider owned a fast food franchise"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Ghost Rider owned a fast food franchise"

Ghost Rider owned a fast food restaurant named "Burger Hell". Apparently you could only order things his way there.

Appearing in "All the super heroes moved to Toledo, Ohio"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "All the super heroes moved to Toledo, Ohio"

All of the heroes who lived in New York moved to Toledo , Ohio, where they hung out together at the local Social Club.

Appearing in "The Watchers in all the realities got together and watched Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Watchers in all the realities got together and watched Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers"

The Watchers watched each-other in alternate realities rather than paying attention to their own.

Appearing in "Howard the Duck formed his own Super-Team"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Howard the Duck formed his own Super-Team"

Howard the Duck formed an Avengers team completely of animals. Aragorn, Devil Dinosaur, Dragon Man, Emma the winged Ant, Lockjaw, Redwing, and Zabu were all members.

Appearing in "Thor had a Swedish accent"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Thor had a Swedish accent"

Thor spoke in a Swedish accent.

Appearing in "Cyclops's energy beams came out of his ears"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Cyclops's energy beams came out of his ears"

Cyclops' energy comes out his ears

Appearing in "Wonder Man were a woman and Power Man were a girl"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Wonder Man were a woman and Power Man were a girl"

Wonder Man & Power Man had female counterparts, but DC Comics wouldn't let their names be changed to Wonder Woman and Power Girl.

Appearing in "Black Bolt were a rock star"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Black Bolt were a rock star"

Black Bolt & the Inhumans were a rock band who leveled the arenas they played in. Their fans still enjoyed the music, but Uatu did not.

Appearing in "Daredevil was deaf instead of blind"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Daredevil was deaf instead of blind"

Daredevil was deaf instead of blind

Appearing in "The Marvel production crew existed in this reality, and the Marvel Editorial Crew did too"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Marvel production crew existed in this reality, and the Marvel Editorial Crew did too"

Marvel Comics Production Crew & Editorial Crew existed in a world of super heroes

Appearing in "Tony Stark had owned an Auto Plant instead of a Weapons Factory"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Tony Stark had owned an Auto Plant instead of a Weapons Factory"

Stark used his auto plant to create the Limo Man armor.

Appearing in "Sue Storm had become The Thing"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Sue Storm had become The Thing"

Sue Storm received the rock-like hide and Ben received the invisibility powers.

Appearing in "Moon Knight got all his identities mixed up"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Moon Knight got all his identities mixed up"

Moon Knight became confused about which identity he was using, and ended up fighting crime while driving a cab in a costume.

Appearing in "The Watcher grew hair"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Watcher grew hair"

The Watcher forced himself to grow hair.

Appearing in "Alpha Flight talked like T.V. Canadians"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Alpha Flight talked like T.V. Canadians"

Alpha Flight spoke in a stereotypical Canadian accent, much like that on "Strange Brew."

Appearing in "Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman, and Moon Knight fought Wendigo in a Snowstorm"

Characters:

Races and Species:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman, and Moon Knight fought Wendigo in a Snowstorm"

The Silver Surfer, Night Rider, White Tiger, Iceman, and Moon Knight all fought Wendigo in a snowstorm. No one could see what was happening.

Appearing in "The Black Panther fought the Shroud in a coalmine"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Black Panther fought the Shroud in a coalmine"

Black Panther fought the Shroud inside a coal mine. Neither of them could see what was happening.

Appearing in "Moon Knight had 3 different identities"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Moon Knight had 3 different identities"

Moon Knight had three different identities than Moon Knight-616: pest exterminator, rat fur millionaire, and comic book editor.

Appearing in "King Conan were Bing Conan on the road to Hyboria"

Featured Characters:

Supporting Characters:

  • Chester
  • Fifty feet long flying fish
  • Tropical Island Natives
  • Gorilla

Races and Species:

  • Humans
  • Fifty feet long flying fish

Locations:

Vehicles:

  • Slave ship

Synopsis for "King Conan were Bing Conan on the road to Hyboria"

Bing Conan and Chester swallowed by tropical fish, deposited on tropical island on the road to Hyboria.

Appearing in "Black Bolt hosted a television talk show"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Black Bolt hosted a television talk show"

Black Bolt hosted a television talk show, and couldn't ask his guests any questions.

Appearing in "Bruce Banner's pants didn't stretch"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Bruce Banner's pants didn't stretch"

Bruce Banner's pants did not stretch when he became the Hulk, and he was left nude and embarrassed every time he transformed.

Appearing in "You went to the movies and had to sit behind the Leader"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "You went to the movies and had to sit behind the Leader"

The Leader went to see a movie & blocked everyone's view with his head.

Appearing in "Aunt May became The Invincible Golden Oldie"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Aunt May became The Invincible Golden Oldie"

Aunt May became a super hero, wearing armor as the Invincible Golden Oldie.

Appearing in "Aunt May became The Astonishing Ant-Aunt"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Aunt May became The Astonishing Ant-Aunt"

Aunt May became a super hero with shrinking powers, taking the name, "The Astonishing Ant-Aunt!"

Appearing in "Aunt May became Auntie Freeze"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Aunt May became Auntie Freeze"

Aunt May became a super hero with ice powers, taking the name, "Auntie Freeze."

Appearing in "Reed Richards had not invented unstable molecules"

Characters:

Reality:

  • Earth-24883 (Reed Richards never created unstable molecules)

Synopsis for "Reed Richards had not invented unstable molecules"

Because Reed Richards never invented unstable molecules, the Fantastic Four's uniforms cannot adapt to their powers(e.g. Johnny Storm burns up his clothes every time he uses his flame powers, and Reed Richards' costume does not stretch along with his body.

Appearing in "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: I Love She-Hulk"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: I Love She-Hulk"

Hulk & She-Hulk married, and their lives became much like those on "I Love Lucy".

Appearing in "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: She-Hulkie"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: She-Hulkie"

Hulk married She-Hulk, and their life closely resembled the syndicated comic strip, "Blondie".

Appearing in "Norrin Radd had not volunteered to become the Silver Surfer"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Norrin Radd had not volunteered to become the Silver Surfer"

Instead of becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd and Shalla-Bal abandoned Zenn-La before its destruction.

Appearing in "Dazzler had decided to become a Lawyer"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Dazzler had decided to become a Lawyer"

Dazzler became a lawyer, asking the jury to let her clients go in song.

Appearing in "Luke Cage had found the hammer of Thor"

Characters:

Items

Reality:

Synopsis for "Luke Cage had found the hammer of Thor"

Luke Cage found Mjolnir and became Thor.

Quote1 By the gleamin' gates of funky Asgard, you suckers are gonna eat hammer! Quote2
--Luke


Appearing in "Doctor Strange were an ordinary magician"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Doctor Strange were an ordinary magician"

Doctor Strange was an ordinary stage magician.

Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown"

Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown. The result was elementary.

Appearing in "Obnoxio became a bat-like hero"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio became a bat-like hero"

Obnoxio the Clown became a bat-like hero, charging the elderly protection fees.

Appearing in "Obnoxio became Spider-Man-like hero"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio became Spider-Man-like hero"

Obnoxio became a Spider-Man-like hero, until the heights of web swinging made him nauseous.

Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk"

Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk, becoming more obnoxious the angrier he got.

Appearing in "Obnoxio-Wolverine"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio-Wolverine"

Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Wolverine, opening six packs of beer a dozen at a time using his claws.

Appearing in "Obnoxio-Daredevil"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio-Daredevil"

Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Daredevil, eavesdropping on punchlines all over town.

Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown gained superman-like powers"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown gained superman-like powers"

Obnoxio the Clown gained Superman-like powers, punching holes in mountains instead of fighting crime.

Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher"

Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher, only watching old T.V. sitcoms.

Appearing in "Daredevil could see"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Daredevil could see"

Daredevil wasn't blind, and was filled with fear at the sight of dangerous criminals.

Appearing in "Thor got a haircut"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Thor got a haircut"

Thor got a haircut, causing his helmet to fall down over his eyes

Appearing in "Spider-Man had married The Black Widow"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Spider-Man had married The Black Widow"

Spider-Man married Black Widow, who ate him.

Appearing in "Iron Man had an Eating disorder"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Iron Man had an Eating disorder"

Tony Stark developed an eating problem instead of a drinking problem, and his extra weight caused his missions as Iron Man to be less than successful, and necessitated his use of a crowbar to get the pants on.

Appearing in "Doctor Doom had a sense of humor"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Doctor Doom had a sense of humor"

Dr. Doom used various comedic props, including a rubber chicken and a fake nose and mustache.

Appearing in "Galactus needed quick cash"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Galactus needed quick cash"

Galactus tried to pawn the Silver Surfer for cash.

Appearing in "Stan Lee reads this issue"

Characters:

Reality:

Synopsis for "Stan Lee reads this issue"

Stan Lee fired those responsible for this issue of What If?.

Notes

  • The initial story, "What if The Watcher were a stand-up comedian?" does not have a reality associated with it. However the contributors should still receive credit:
  • Pencilers: Ron Wilson (Kirbyesque panels), Rick Parker (wacky Watcher)
  • Inkers: Rick Parker (wacky Watcher)
  • Letterers: Diana Albers, Rick Parker[5]

See Also

Footnotes

  1. Ron Zalme (himself, Barry Shapiro?), Joe Albelo (himself), Rick Parker (himself, Rob Carosella, Nora Maclin, Harry Candelario), John Morelli (himself), Bob Camp (himself), ? (Danny Crespi), Morrie Kuramoto (himself), Eliot R. Brown (himself) Mark Gruenwald (Denny O'Neil, himself), Jim Salicrup (himself), Ron Zalme (Mike Carlin, Danny Fingeroth), ? (Louise Jones), Marie Severin (Ralph Macchio, Linda Grant), Rick Parker (Al Milgrom), Larry Hama (Ann Nocenti), Lance Tooks (himself), Mike Carlin (Tom DeFalcocomics.org
  2. Caricature credits added 2005 by Steven Tice, with input from Jim Salicrup, Danny Fingeroth, Mike Carlin, and Rick Parker, Caricature art credits added 2005 by Steven Tice, with input from Jim Salicrup, Danny Fingeroth, Mike Carlin, Al Milgrom, Ron Zalme, and Rick Parker. Al Milgrom is certain he did not do his own caricature.
  3. This doesn't make much sense, since this story is based in the Multiverse, and not a specific reality. Nonetheless, the reality number is marvunapp.com's claim.
  4. 4.0 4.1 First and only known appearance to date besides flashbacks
  5. Rick Parker's panel confirmed 2005 by Rick Parker. Ron Wilson credit derived from the letters page of What If? #38. comics.org



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